MY DADDY EARL JUST LOVES IT WHEN I PRAY, YA’LL.
I get down on my knees before him and he praises God at the sight of it. Every time he pops his lips I know exactly what he wants from me. I lick my lips and start to hum him the song of an angel.
I love how he gets so passionate at my hummin’.
Sometimes he will even grab a hold of my pigtails and shake full of the holy ghost moving through him. He tells me that when the holy ghost moves through him that it is his favorite thing and only my hummin’ can make it happen.
I love making him shake in spirit like that.
Makes me feel so good inside.
I went there.
If you missed my livestream on this then maybe you need to go explore it.
Or maybe not…
Not if you are a prude that is.
Please don’t, I do not want to hear it from you in that case or have you rolling your eyes at my crazy.
You know it was not that long ago that I would have freaked the
f-ck out about playing games like this with my lover.
I would have been too caught up in my own bullsh*t to have fun.
I would have believed that my partner would not like me if I pretended to play like this.
I mean sex is serious.
Relationships are serious.
LOL… not good sex and relationship.
Sure there is some seriousness in there, of course,
but if you are not laughing, finding yourself feeling youthful, full of desire and thirst for fun then I can tell you that your relationship and sex are getting ready to flatline if they have not already.
I have worked with so many hundreds of couples through the last decade as a relationship coach and the one thing that I am always sharing with them is how important PLAY is in the relationship.
Playfulness inside and outside of the bedroom or wherever you are doing the nasty at…
More than just dinner and a movie.
Get creative, learn something new together.
Get a little edgy, make your heart flutter like it was your first kiss all over again.
Do things that you typically would not think to be a date even.
Some of my favorite dates and sexual experiences did not cost a fortune. They did not take place in traditional ways.
But instead they revealed to me my lovers desire, joy, inner child and explorer. They created a space for each of us to explore ourselves and each other in ways that we had not yet.
One time I was told to meet my lover at a gas station. I did so and he filled up my car, then told me to drive next door and give my keys to the man at the detail shop. I did so. He followed me and picked me up there. I got into his car, he blind folded me, kissed me passionately and asked if I was ready for a little fun adventure.
I said yes.
He said okay we got 90 minutes.
Next thing I knew he handed me a glass of my favorite chardonnay in a togo wine glass. I took a few sips and he took it from me replacing it with some glass yoni eggs and told me to insert them and do some squeezes.
I did so.
Then he handed me a little bullet vibrator and told me to insert that.
And so I did.
There I sat, eggs vibrating in my vagina, wine back in hand, blindfolded in his car as he drove around a parking lot a bit to make sure I had no clue what direction we were headed next.
From there he took me to lunch.
He parked the car,
came around my side and got me out, blindfold still on.
Walked me into a busy restaurant and told me to walk up to the nice man at the register and tell her I wanted the special.
ANd so I took a deep breath and did so.
As I did this I could hear all the people passing me by, talking about what was going on, wondering what we were doing, snickering. I could feel their eyes even though I could not see them. I had to face myself.
I had to face my own ego at this moment.
My lover took my hand and arm and walked me to a table where he sat me down, got me some more wine, helped me sip it and then he proceeded to feed me lunch while I sat there helpless and blindfolded.
Once done he walked me back to the car,
got me buckled in and took me off to….
Dessert of course. 🙂
He parked again,
walked me into a cold and strange smelling place.
Told me to ask the nice man at the register for the special, and so I did.
The man handed me a waffle cone with my favorite ice cream in it.
My lover took me back to the car, got me buckled and drove around in circles some more.
The sun would hit me in the eye’s every now and then and I found myself wanting for the next moment of surprise.
Sure enough he stopped the car.
Got me out but before doing so, took my shoes off.
As I got out I found myself standing on something wet and cool, he asked if I knew where I was, but I did not.
Then I got back in the car.
From there he drove a distance, the road changed from paved to dirt. And he parked.
He came around and got me out of the car, still barefoot.
He walked me through some grass, up and over a wood bridge of some sort and into a closed in space that felt like it was out in the middle of a field. Here is bound my wrists, kissed me some more and began to touch me passionately.
Before I knew it he was laying me down on a blow up mattress that was out here in this building we were in.
He removed my clothes, kissed my body with hunger.
My excitement grew.
I was trying to figure out where we were,
I could feel a breeze by my feet and my head at the same time, yet I was in some enclosed structure. As I scooted up the bed some and he proceeded to go down on me, my bound arms lifted above my head to only find themselves in some bushes and grass right there.
Where was I?
He devoured me.
He made passionate primal love to me.
It was heated and intense.
Once done, he grabbed me, stood me up, dressed me, walked me back to his car, unbound me wrists but kept the blindfold on.
Got me in the car, handed me my wine and then we drove off.
Before I knew it he was parking.
He leaned in, kissed me, told me he loved me and hoped that I enjoyed our adventure as he took off my blindfold.
There I was parked behind my now detailed and fully cleaned and gassed up car.
90 minutes after the time I had dropped it off.
He wished me a great afternoon and got me my car keys.
To this day I do not know all the details of this adventure.
But what I do know is how much I loved it.
How I will cherish that moment in time forever.
How I accessed a deeper level of myself, of my sex and of that relationship in that moment.
It was vulnerable.
It was intimate.
It was connective.
It required trust on both sides.
It was playful and it brought us both great joy.
And what did it take?
Well we will never know because he ain’t tellin’
but what it ultimately took was CREATIVITY and DESIRE TO PLAY.
And that is the point to this whole tale and to my livestream earlier.
In relationship we grow tired and bored of our sex and of each other because we forget how to court.
We forget how to play, to laugh and be joyous in our sex and relationship and therefore it all gets tiring and old.
Like a chewed up piece of gum that lost its flavor years ago.
But it does not have to be like that.
You can have a dynamic connective deep relationship if you will simply allow yourself to get real and raw,
to be seen and to enjoy.
Stop taking your sex so damn seriously.
Instead start enjoying your flesh, your partner’s flesh.
Your laugh and their laugh.
Get a little edgy with each other.
Discuss things you would like to explore and try.
Start to believe that you can be creative,
that you do have the time,
and that it does not have to take an arm and a leg to create spectacular events for the one you love.
It’s time to level up your love.
It’s time to stop accepting boring as your normal in your sex and relationship.
It’s time to get down and dirty and play in the sandbox together.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to claim that F-ck Yes! Relationship with your partner?
Ready to stop settling for boring as your norm?
I sure AF hope so! Cuz’ you are worthy of so much more and so is your relationship and sex.
Reach out to me today to learn the secrets of a playful turned on relationship.
WATCH THE LIVESTREAM HERE NOW!
WHY I DON’T DO BIRTH CONTROL HORMONES….
And WHY I don’t believe that any conscious woman should.
That sounds crazy right?
Birth control is a smart thing.
And science has created a way for us to take charge of if we have children or not. There are so many options in today’s world from a multitude of birth control pills, shots, films, sponges, rings, etc. etc.
Not only are we protected 99.9% from unwanted pregnancy but we also can have clearer skin, lighter periods even fewer periods and have certainty as to when our flow is. Something that can get altered when you are not on hormone based birth control.
Birth control puts the woman in a power position for sure.
But here is the thing…
Before you string me up to crucify me and say well Kendal, no wonder you have seven children, you don’t do birth control. I want to share a few scientific things with you after my intimacy share on my seven children.
You see many years ago, like 29 years ago I was fifteen years old.
I was a virgin. Never even been kissed. And I had regular periods that were always on time, I had clear skin because I have always been conscious of the food going in my body, my skin’s health and hydration. So no pimply faced girl here, even back then.
AND there were zero boys in my world.
But my mom, being a concerned mom for her little girl that was becoming a woman took me to the gyno and told me that I needed to get on birth control to….(ready for the silliness…)
Get my period regulated and help with my skin, limit my breakouts.
My argument was that I did not want chemicals in my body when there was no reason for them. And the reasons given made no sense for all that I already shared that my mom knew clearly.
But mom said, so I did.
But I started taking birth control pills regardless of the facts.
Of course not long thereafter a boy popped up in my world.
And after a year of dating we had sex.
Unprotected sex because I was on the pill, so we had nothing to worry about.
We had a ton of unprotected sex.
Because there was nothing to worry about.
And no one bothered to inform me of anything different.
Condoms were known of,
they were spoken of,
but no one made a big deal out of them,
it was all about the pill.
Time went on and the boy and I broke up.
I quickly ( like 3 months later, quickly) found myself in bed with a man, who would become my husband shortly thereafter. We moved quickly into sex, unprotected sex because we had nothing to worry about, I was on the pill.
Well life got crazy, and I missed a pill.
Not knowing that I was fertile myrtle, I ended up pregnant right off the bat from one missed pill.
Welcome to the world child #1.
After birthing her, I got back on the pill,
one month I developed a bladder infection and took medication for it that canceled out my birth control but the doctor did not warn me and I was young and undereducated, and so welcome child #2.
Then… then I got smart…
I decided to get this new thing called the Depo Shot…
and my marriage was unhappy as hell so I ended up cheating on my husband, well the Depo Shot had no clue how fertile I was, because somehow someway it did not work and welcome child #3.
I had no clue what had taken place and my doctor suggested that I go on this other new birth control pill because it was to be really good, AND it supposedly would not cause the weight gain, the mood changes or fatigue that I was getting from the Depo Shot…
and so I did.
Well life got stressful again,
and we moved residences, we fought horribly, we moved again, and somehow in the midst of the chaos I ended up pregnant again.
Welcome child #4.
I grew tired of all the keeping track of four children under 10 and the pill that had to be taken at the same time each day or it would fuck up, plus my moods were no better. I was feeling lost in myself.
So I went back to the Depo Shot, thinking that maybe after all these years it got better. At very least I only had to deal with it once every three months. In the midst of depression and despair I found myself on the Depo Shot, 30 pounds heavier then what I should be and pregnant yet again with child #5. The doctor could not understand how I could get pregnant two times on the depo shot without any medication interference, but it happened.
And THEN my husband had had enough….
He got clipped.
And I got off ALL hormone based birth control.
And you know what happened?
I found myself again.
The weight dropped off with ease.
My mind cleared.
My mood stabilized.
My periods were not as fierce and painful.
My immune system improved.
I felt so much better.
but now I had one massive issue.
Every time I had sex with my husband,
my body rejected the sex.
I would break out in a burning mess.
My pussy was pissed at the experience.
And I was not wanting anything to do with him.
I was unattracted, turned off and could not bring myself to even really be willing to go into any sexual experience with him.
At one point I even thought I might be allergic to his semen.
And so that thought led me down a path of discovery.
Turned out that we women can be allergic to a man’s semen.
Also turns out that hormone based birth control has a major impact on a woman’s immune system, and moods.
And do you want to know what the most astounding tidbit that I discovered was and is the MAIN REASON why I am sharing this post… the main reason why I do not take it and instead preach condoms… (outside of the sheer fact that the birth control pill does not protect against disease of any sort)…
“…contraceptive pill use alters mate preferences, women who had taken hormonal contraceptives while meeting their partner and later discontinued their usage (as many do when they wish to conceive) may feel disenchanted with their initial partner choice. Indeed, the use of hormonal contraceptives may not only affect initial partner choice but also have unintended consequences for women’s relationship satisfaction if contraceptive pill use subsequently changes. Prior studies have provided evidence for this hypothesis, indicating that women who had used hormonal contraceptives when they first met their partner and then ceased to take them experience lower levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction5 and are more likely to get divorced….” (Gurit Birnbaum, Ph.D., is a professor at the Baruch Ivcher School of Psychology, the Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya. Psychology Today)
I believe that any conscious woman who wants to develop a truly loving and connected relationship with a man should be aware that if she is on a hormone based contraceptive that she is most likely not getting the right reading of the man.
It has been my discovery since the days of birth control and myself that my attraction is opposite to what it used to be.
After all we get into relationships not just for the purpose of starting up a family or getting a dad for our kids from our previous relationships. Typically we are looking for love and connection. We are wanting long term satisfaction, happiness and attraction to our mate. So why not create the most conscious space for it. A space where our body wisdom can be heard?
Of course that would also mean that we would have to be willing to want to hear it.
And even more importantly it would require all of us women who desire to be standing strong in our personal power to also be willing to speak our truth and ask for our needs to be met around sex and sexual practices more, instead of just spreading our legs and letting the men in our lives do as they want unconsciously.
It would require us to speak up about safe sex.
It would require us to value ourselves enough to not just ask but demand that protection be used,
and if we are truly not wanting to have any children to have the conversations with our partner(s) around this.
We are not taught as a people to have this sort of real, open relating. We are not taught as women that we can ask and even demand that our bodies be respected as we choose.
We are not warned of the possible and common complications that can impact our bodies as well as our desires and psyche from such things as contraceptives, but we are taught as women that it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to make sure that we take care of that fertility thing.
I for one wish my mother had never stolen this right from me. I wish that my body had been given the opportunity to fully mature without extra hormones and all the issues that it has been known to cause on an undeveloped female productive system. I wish that I had been better educated in my youth about sex and sexual health and rights. I wish that someone had been there to guide me better and give me the option as to what to do with my body and explain everything instead of pushing me down what was considered normal and healthy, responsible.
At the end of the day,
The most loving and responsible thing we can do for ourselves as women and for the men we choose to do relationships with is to come into that relationship as OURSELVES. Not altered by chemicals.
For the same reasons it is not a healthy practice to have sex drunk or under the influence of drugs,
we should not be having sex under the influence of hormones that are not of our own bodies design.
Perhaps we would find that more people would be happy in the relationship choices that they make.
Perhaps more people would not go through all the depression and lostness if they could be authentically themselves.
Perhaps more women would not be labeled “CRAZY” if they were not being bounced around by pharmaceuticals in the pursuit to make pregnancy all the woman’s responsibility and take away the responsibility of the men to be conscious of their bodies, their control and health.
Just random thoughts from a mother of three daughters of her own.
A woman who values her relationships with men, and wants to only get involved with those that are authentically “right” for me…
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Time to claim your truth is beautiful.
Time to say yes to valuing yourself, to loving yourself and knowing who you really are.
But in order to do this you have to desire to fall in love with the real you.
And if you are looking for love and success,
but wonder why it is always just out of grasp then maybe it’s really time for you to explore your truth.
From sexual health choices to learning your authentic yes and no,
you have never been told its okay to be YOU.
I am here to reveal to you that it is more than OKAY.
It is your duty to your happiness to do just that.
Reach out to me to discover options for coaching today.
I would do anything for love!
But, I won’t do THAT.
Just like the song,
so our relationships unwind.
We have these THINGS in relationship that we refuse to do,
and some with good reason,
some because they are personal boundaries,
some because it is totally self-sacrificial to do and will only create far worse repercussions than saying, “No.”
Relationships are most certainly not about one partner always caving to the other.
It is not about always getting what you want.
Relationships are not about even making you feel happy, safe or comfortable.
Love just an FYI, is not about comfort.
Or getting what we want.
It is about getting what we need.
And when we think about what we need,
it is not that we “need” the other person to act, do, be some specific way for us.
No the “need” that relationship provides, is the support for us to expand and grow into who we truly are as souls.
Therefore, often us getting what we need will feel like a challenge in the relationship.
It will feel uncomfortable.
It will feel testing, scary even and we will feel pushed to breathe into events and moments with our partner.
We will be asked to face our internal structures and inquire,
“Is this true?”
Is this really how I feel or am I living according to societal structures that have been put on me?
Am I leaning into my fear right now? or am I truly coming from my truth?
Love is testing.
Love will require us to have courage.
To have blind faith.
To open the door to trust.
And to evolve our beliefs.
So often though, we address love differently.
We tell our beloveds that we are:
👉Unconditional in our love – when in fact it is built on conditions.
👉That we would do “ANYTHING” for them – when in fact that means anything within my comfort box only, ask me to push myself a little into uncharted waters, well forget about that, I won’t do it.
👉That we want for their happiness no matter the cost – when in fact we require that happiness to fit into the picture that we have painted instead of holding space for what our partner actually needs
👉That we want them to grow, to be empowered, feel safe – when in fact yet again we only want this IF it is how we perceive that to be, NOT PUSHING US OUT OF COMFORT.
👉That we want to support them, help them achieve their dreams and become so much – when in fact even though that sounds great and groovy, we are not willing or understanding that if our partner chooses to grow and be all that, that it will require us as well to step in and do the same if we desire to keep the relationship. If one partner grows and the other does not, then the relationship WILL end.
👉That we want them to heal – I love this one. Over almost two decades I have sat with thousands of couples who proclaim how they desire their partner to heal. How they just want the best life for them, for them to not live in the emotional/psychological and event physical pain/trauma anymore. But when faced with the road it will require to get their partner there, they instead choose to shame, guilt, even abandon and divorce. Proclaiming that they can’t do that. They cannot support that sort of healing and there has to be some other way.
Many years ago,
I had a lovely couple come to me.
I will never forget their consultation…
The man sat there,
so wild eyed and excited about the possibilities that laid before them as a couple.
He spoke of his desire to support his wife to become empowered,
to tap into her feminine energy again as their polarities were out of whack and she was more the man then he,
he excitedly shared how he wanted deep intimacy with her,
how he wanted to have connective sex again,
and have her into it.
He wanted her to have less stress in life and with family and that he wanted the opportunity to support her here as well,
he wanted her to have passion for life,
purpose in something she loved,
and of course he wanted her to be the sexual goddess that he knew was in there.
They signed up for my couple’s coaching and so the process began to “fix” his wife….lol
No such thing as fixing your partner people.
There is only unveiling and that is something only they can do for themselves.
The coaching process is about offering tools and guidance to achieve and support someone in their efforts to rebirth themselves.
Anyway, they became my clients and we started doing the deep awakening work to help them and her get the results that they wanted.
Fast forward 18 months,
I met with the couple and she was now glowing, radiant and happy, laughing and so full of life.
Where once I looked into eyes that were lost, empty and on the cusp of death of soul, with no ability to answer clearly anything or speak her truth,
now sat a woman on fire for life.
I looked at him,
He was still bubbly and happy in appearance.
He was still supporting her,
but he too was different.
He had, had an awakening of his own.
and was still in his desire to assist his beloved to heal and grow,
to come out of her shell, ‘to see her own worth and radiate the beauty that she had,
that he had to take on the mission to become the man that could hold that space for her.
Meaning he had to rebirth himself as well.
He had to face his inner demons head on,
and get real with the fact that he was not good often with what it was being required of him and them to get her to where she was going.
I watched this couple struggle for three years with this birthing process.
They came close a few times to divorce and throwing the towel in.
He weeped to me in session repeatedly about how he just could not support what she was doing.
He swore that it was not okay.
That if she loved him, that she would stop doing these things to him.
And yet, he saw her more radiant than ever before.
He saw her thriving.
But her thriving, (well what it took to get her there) went against almost EVERY cellular belief structure that this man had about life, relationship, marriage, men, women, love,and healing.
Now this couple is a success story,
he stuck it out.
She stuck it out.
They pushed through and each expanded, grew as individuals and challenged themselves to reprogram the beliefs that were holding them back in so many areas.
And today when I check up on them a decade or so later they are deeply in love, happy, connected and have gotten there because they chose LOVE.
They chose each other and they chose to not get stuck in the quicksand of old habits, fears and societal beliefs.
That being said,
This is not the case for most relationships proclaiming that they would do anything for love.
Most relationships are like the Meatloaf song.
They will do anything for love, but they won’t do THAT.
THAT thing that the song speaks of is different for all,
yet the same.
THAT is fear.
THAT is ego.
THAT is getting out of the box of comfort.
THAT is letting go of the concept that controlling our beloveds actions through our fear and not opening up to the possibilities of “What if, or maybe…”
Yes most relationships,
won’t do THAT.
Instead they will finger point,
blame and guilt, shame and play victim.
They will turn things around and say,
“But if YOU loved me then you would not need to do/be/act that way.”
They refuse to let go of past,
they refuse to compromise,
they refuse to just love their partner and trust in them,
and in God/Universe.
Most relationships opt for supporting old patterns of sabotage and trauma.
Supporting their triggers around abandonment,
around need instead of love.
And they try to force their beloveds hand, heart and life back into that comfortable little box that feels so good.
The logical mind in these moments support with tons of evidence as to why you want to keep that box,
it tells us why the growth,
The change is so dangerous.
And so the mission of saving self,
saving themselves from a feeling of discomfort,
turns into war with partner,
guilting and often separation.
My question to you today sweet reader,
is if you would do anything for love,
and you fear that by doing THAT thing that causes your heart to feel like it may stop beating if you do,
but your beloved is asking it of you so they can become full again, healed, and who they really are, so they can find their truth,
if THAT thing in your mind is going to kill the relationship,
but you saying “NO I won’t do that for love” will certainly kill the relationship, or you would rather opt for the death of relationship then doing THAT thing…
Then why not,
I mean let’s just go out on a limb here today….
Why not at least DO THAT THING and see where it takes you?
Worst case scenario is that you land where you were willing to go anyway.
Call me crazy,
but if you truly love and not need the person and the relationship,
then you have nothing to lose and everything to gain in exploring this life a bit and expanding yourself and your relationship through the support of your beloved.
What would you do for love?
stop Existing & Start living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Enjoy these musings and free coaching? Want to level up your relationship? Expand into love and heal your past beliefs that are no longer serving your life?
Message me for deet’s on private and group coaching available world wild today.