empowered birth

IMG_2657It has been a long month to be honest.

Perhaps it’s because it is my 7th pregnancy, or that I am older. Perhaps little Rowan has just taken his toll on my body and emotions and I am feeling extra hormonal the last few weeks, almost even disconnected from my body. Frustration has kept setting in as I grow in anticipation and expectation of his arrival and then getting let down for one reason or another.

Last week at 41 weeks (you are considered full term at 38 weeks mind you) I was hopeful that I would walk into my midwife and we would strip my membranes and contractions would start and all would be well on it’s way. Instead I was greeted with the unavoidable fact that Rowan had decided to do an elbow stand on my cervix, preventing any of this idea from manifesting and instead I would have to take a week more and do inversion exercises to get him to move.

Then all this last week I have been in and out of my midwifes office with stress tests and strippings, experiencing some good contractions but nothing sending me over the edge and into full labor. With me be a seasoned laborer and no risk they can let me go till 42 weeks and 2 days.

42 weeks was officially Monday January 26th!!!!

And thank heaven’s I got to walk into my midwife one more time and go through the process, except this time we broke the water and committed to having a baby.


I admit that I have not been feeling over the last few weeks a sense of power or ecstasy even. However Monday was different!

With Gabriel (my 2 yr. old who you see above in the picture) I had committed to having a fully natural birth. With my five previous births I did not even realize this was an option, I tried to be as natural as possible, never accepting the idea that birth had to be some sort of “illness” or painful, never surrendering to the concept of loading up on drugs and getting a spinal or an unnecessary C-section. But I did believe that my body would never go into labor on it’s own and that I had to be induced with pitocin to get things going.

Gabriel changed all of this for me. My birthing center and midwifes changed all of this for me. And for the first time in my womb-manhood I was blessed with an orgasmic divine NATURAL experience.

This Monday, I got to revisit this natural high of childbirth, power, emancipation as a woman and as a human. I got to experience my strength, my courage, my own love of life. I got to feel my body in it’s total divine state of creation and with that came a flooding of oxytocin. The love drug that is released during orgasm or when we are first falling in love. Except it was not just a small dose of this happy drug, it was a massive dose. Did I feel pain, yes! but was it unbearable, NO!

Matter a fact as my birthing center reported on Facebook after Rowans birth, “Seventh time mom laughed and chatted her way through labor and got in the tub just in time to welcome her biggest baby yet. A 9 lb 9oz 22 inch baby boy. Congrats!”

Perhaps it was the oxytocin or the warm water that I labored in.
But the words of my tantra teacher Duncan Knight come to mind at my very first tantric session with him, ” Feel this love in the room Kendal, it’s all coming from you.”

And again, what did I bask in through 4 and half hours of labor Monday?
LOVE. Unconditional, so thick it was like pudding in the room, LOVE!!!
I will never be able to share the depths in words as to what this experience was like, all I can do is hope that for those of you women out there who have had the courage to have a natural birth that you reconnect in this moment to this great love feeling that I am speaking of. For everyone else, connect to a moment or orgasm where you felt like the earth shook and your heart exploded into love. If you do not have this experience try and connect to the first moment of holding your child, of kissing the man/woman you felt was your soulmate, of experiencing something that took your breath away and made you feel alive, unbound, powerful and in love.

It has been my experience that if we learn to attach to these moments of power and love throughout our lives and fill ourselves with gratitude for them that we can take from them and craft a life that is well lived and experienced.

It is through these moments that we can discover what true orgasmic bliss is.
We can become more then what we are labeled, more then who we may even feel we are and we can truly be HUMAN. To be human is the greatest gift given to any of us. Yet we tend to deny the miracle of it. We forget or are never taught how joyous, empowering, unique and divine being human is. Instead we get caught up in why we should be suffering, how things are not right or good. We focus on the ills of our lives and of the world around us and never stop to acknowledge that as a human we are the manifestor’s of our lives, we are the custodians of our planet and ONLY WE can be the change that the world needs.

No amount of finger pointing, labeling of ethnic background, spiritual belief, education level or other will ever change this fact. HUMAN-HOOD is the experience we were all born into and it is up to each and everyone of us to be proactive, responsible and mature enough to take our ego’s and set them to the side and DISCOVER LOVE.

Imagine a world that was focused on servitude, gratitude and love.

What would this sort of world be like?

Imagine a state of your experience where you could live in the sensations that I speak of above.

What would your life be like?

Monday was a pivotal point of further emancipation for me. In my labor and in the final 25 minutes of hard labor I got to feel myself and life fully. I got to go outside of myself once again and feel the energies around me. I found myself attaching to two things: 1) breathing in the moment that I knew my partner Scott was assisting in the catching of our son and 2) feeling Rowan enter our world in love.

Life is powerful.
Love in powerful.
We humans are powerful.

STOP being small and be who you were intended to be. You are not here just to work some job, pay bills and be concerned about how you appear to your neighbors, friends, family. You are here to be YOU, the best version of you that you can imagine!

We are each a miracle. Don’t forget or make light of your power.

Rowan 2 days

Rowan Oliver Born January 26th, 2015 9pounds 9 0unces and 22 inches long.