WHAT CATHOLICS CAN TEACH YOU ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE.
CATHOLICS GOT THIS RIGHT – BUT SOMETHING ELSE TERRIBLY WRONG AND HERE IS WHY.
I grew up catholic, went to parochial school, had the little plaid uniform, was an altar girl, was part of the church choir and did all the catholic things.
I loved mass.
I loved my church and community.
I loved all the rituals and the feeling of something greater than myself or we humans that I could only capture there in the walls of this massive building with all its tapestries and stained glass.
I loved old Father Banner who farted during service, pinched all the ladies’ butts and proudly wore a badge that said “Kiss Me I Am Irish.” Us kids would see his little discrepancies and found it humorous how our mothers and the office ladies would just brush off his attempts to let a woman more than half his age know he thought she was cute.
Father Mark however, I was not so fond of and all of us kids stayed clear of him. There was constant chatter about his discrepancies with other priests and potentially a few altar boys. He seemed plastic and we always debated on if he was wearing makeup during service.
Father Mathew, I adored. He was quiet, intelligent, always wanting to help and let us kids steal his sherry in our Pepsi cans after cleaning the church and helping the sisters do yard work.
My favorite teacher was Sister Paquette. She changed my world. It’s due to her that I held my passion for the written word, and when my parents told me that I needed to get better with grammar and spelling, she gave me an A+ on a story book creation with the note – “ Excellent writing. Don’t worry about spelling and grammar, that’s what editors are for.”
So what does all this have to do with sex?
And especially your sex you may be wondering.
Catholics are not known for being overly sexy people.
They have a ton of focus on shaming sex, even though they are known for big families like Mormons as well. And I recall in High School everyone saying that Catholic girls were easy.
But when it comes to intimate advice, you may not think that Catholicism is the best avenue to explore, and you would be correct.
However we could say that about religion in general, any of them for that matter.
The focus on the sins of the physical body is high up in all religions and the idea to rise above the needs and desires of the physical body is considered to be what an enlightened person who is God fearing and walking in the footsteps of Christ would do. It is why there has always been the spiritual commitment from priests and nuns to live a life of chastity, because they are married to God and in order to sanctify that marriage they are not to lay with anyone else.
THE HOLY OF THE HOLY CAN WITHHOLD THE HUNGER OF THE PHYSICAL BODY AND WORLD AND RISE ABOVE IT.
So why then do we hear reports of sexual abuse with altar boys?
Why do we hear of priests bedding other priests?
Why do we never hear of abuse from the sisters?
And here is what the Catholic church can teach you about your sex.
It breaks down to WHY women can rise above the physical hungers and men struggle so with it, to the point that it is widely known and even accepted to a great degree that their indiscretions may very well be sexual abuse of our youth.
*Please note that every human being has their own timeline and copes with sexual desire differently, especially in today’s modern world where women are far more likely to cheat and/or go for a booty call on her own free will and knowing. Not all men want let alone need sex frequently, and many men and women alike put more on their moral compass then they do on their sexual needs. With that said, each of us do have our needs and what happens to us hormonally, mentally, and physically are unique to the human as well as the gender.
NUN’S ARE GREAT AT BEING NUN’S AND BEING MARRIED TO GOD – BECAUSE THEY ARE FEMALE.
I have preached this from my soap box over almost two decades all too much, because this point I am making yet again today is one that the best of the best men and women out there simply DO NOT UNDERSTAND and perhaps just don’t really fathom or want to take seriously. Perhaps it is a case of, “ That would never happen to me,” syndrome.
And that is, that the longer a woman goes not just without having sexual intercourse, but without orgasm, without intimate stimulation, arousal, and/or foreplay the less she feels.
THE LESS SHE FEELS – THE LESS SHE CAN PHYSICALLY FEEL IN TRUTH.
I tell men all the time, “ Treat your woman’s whole body like her pussy. You must kiss her, make love to her whole body, and take your time.”
I hear repeatedly from men in couple hood that their female partner has lost interest, that she is just non-orgasmic, has no desire, does not even come on to him any longer and the men wonder why. It’s pretty simple, somewhere along the line she turned into a nun. And she was allowed to live in that holy state for a long enough period of time that her physical urges slowed and then ceased, which is the by product of enough time going by where she no longer felt her sex. She found herself focused on the mental world, her children, family, work or whatever else she felt was needing her. The sad reality that 99% of women will not fess up to is that if and when they have a true orgasm, it makes them want for more sex, orgasm, and intimacy. A womans sexual hunger can be endless when taken care of. Unlike men, women’s sexual hunger grows from good sex, deep orgasm and intimate heart opening connection. The reverse is true as well. If a woman disconnects from her sex for any reason it will all fade and its harder to reignite than a mans.
Time must be taken for a woman to be able to tap back into her sexual heart and become intimate with herself enough to be able to even feel her partner, let alone have an orgasm or want for sexual intimacy.
And we are only talking about the actual physical and mental aspects here, if we delve into a woman’s hormonal aspects we enter a treacherous land that is hard to keep harmonious and the lack of sex, orgasm and intimate bonds only cause udder destruction as we discovered back in the early 1900’s when vibrators were created to cure hysteria.
In other words, if its been some time for the woman and then a quick frolic happens with her mate, she will not be present, will not feel him, no matter how present he is, and the limited amount of foreplay that the average couples allows for their intimate realm will not be sufficient for her to drop down.
Womens sexual desire dwindles from a lack of orgasms and intimate connection, making it difficult and even painful sometimes for her to reengage in sex when her partner wants it. However, this does make women great for the marriage bond with God for such spiritual callings as being a nun.
Priests on the other hand….
PRIESTS STINK AND THEIR VOW’S BECAUSE THEY ARE BUILT DIFFERENT THAN WOMEN.
Just yesterday I had a conversation with a woman about the primal nature of men when it comes to sex. I shared how men’s nature for all the course of human existence has been that of sowing their seed.
Men have a much easier time with disengaging from sex and reigniting their sex quickly than women. A man can go years without having sex and the desire is still there, it may be dimmed, but if the right opportunity comes up he can quickly engage in it, although his stamina may be less than what he wants for due to stimulation that his body is not accustomed too because of the lack.
WHERE A WOMAN NUMBS OUT A MAN BECOMES SENSITIVE.
A man can not only act on his hunger without too many complications outside of stamina, but he will certainly reap the desired result of orgasm and hormonal drop down that a woman in the same position will fight to achieve if she is capable at that and all the stars aligned for her.
Men’s sexual urges go in waves.
Stress, health, fatigue, arousal to their mate and many other things can certainly play a roll in their desire for sex, however given a long enough period of a time a man will go for the hunt of sex where a woman will cease her hunt and be good in solitude.
And THIS is why men stink at their vows in the Catholic church.
This is why we have seen so much sexual trauma in the church.
After a period of time with a man, the slightest touch, look, smell can be arousing and send him into a fit of hunger where the opposite is true with a woman.
The world becomes less shiny, the most scrumptious foods and drinks are less than what they could be, the smell of a rose is dimmed, life mutes itself for women making it possible for a woman to easily adhere to a holy marriage where a man is tested around every corner.
YOUR LESSON FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND SEX
Life happens.
Stress happens.
And we can all have some desired amount of sexual pleasure that we ideally want for, but if we are emotionally mature and love our partners and ourselves then we have to be reasonable and allow for life to be what it is.
You will not always have the sex life that you want with your partner.
It will ebb and flow.
But, you need to understand these basics of men and women and how drastically different our sexual natures are and how our hormonal bank accounts work as well as our physical bodies and how those relate to our sexual urges, needs and even ability to connect intimately and receive pleasure.
In order to support your self and your relationship sexually here are some key points to help you stay connected to your sex and to each other is stressful times.
KEY’S TO SEXUAL CONNECTION IN STRESSFUL TIMES
1-KISS – Can’t state this one enough. So many times couples stop kissing, or they resign their relationship to the sweet grandparent kiss, just the peck on the lips. There is zero arousal, connection, intimacy to this kiss. Kissing is a bonding intimate sharing, it is basic house keeping for any long-term relationship that wants to thrive and be entwined happily. The average kiss of the long term relationship/marriage is 7 seconds. How about trying a 15 seconds and letting each other enjoy a little teenager make out?
2-TOUCH – In long standing relationships we stop touching. We go to bed with night clothes on, we no longer hold hands, or let ourselves snuggle on the couch or in bed the way we did when dating and courting. We humans need six conscious touches in each and every day to maintain proper healthy mental and emotional function. Most marriages don’t allow for even one conscious touch a day and then expect their sex to be great with some last minute booty grab or poke.
3-LAUGH – Laughter is the best medicine, however we tend to get all too serious in our relationships. Our seriousness creates separation. Think back to when you first met each other and you looked for joy with each other. You laughed at your mistakes, at your goofiness and at life because you were in love and felt uplifted by each other. Create and find opportunities to enjoy life together and stop taking it all so seriously.
4-ROMANCE EACH OTHER – It only takes about 18 months for NRE ( New relationship Energy) to wear off and our rose tinted glasses start to come off as this happens. As NRE becomes less, we make a BIG mistake with our partners, we stop courting and romancing. We stop dating and creating new experiences. Instead, we get real, we focus on the day-to-day grind and we take our partners for granted. All successful, happy long-term relationships create space for romance and courting. And both partners give this incredible gift to each other.
5-SEX IS MORE THAN INTERCOURSE OR DOIN’ THE DEED – Stop thinking about sex as a duty. Communicate where you are at with your partner. Ask for your mate to slow down or to hold you. Ask for kissing or time. If you are not feeling like having actual sex it’s okay to say this but take the time instead to connect intimately in another way. If it’s been some time since actual sexual engagement then slow down with each other, do all the above listed here, don’t just expect to jump into the act and have it work out the way you hope for. Be open to sex in all of its fashions. It truly is the life blood of a happy long-term relationship. It is the glue that bonds you and your forever lover together.
And above all else….
GET CLEAR ON THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN AND HOW DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT OUR SEXUAL LIVES ARE.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s believers”
-KW
Relate to anything here? Unsatisfied and feeling lost in your relationship or marriage?
Reach out to me today to discuss how couples coaching for intimate struggles could change your 2022 from muted and empty to passionate and connected with your mate.