The Zero Separation Relationship & Why The Wolrd Hates It!

ZERO SEPARATION.

It’s funny, I have never thought of myself or witnessed myself to be a jealous person.

I have not thought myself to be territorial or possessive.

I have never been a woman who has demanded to be the center of attention with my partner.

I have never really missed my partner when they go away for the day.

I have never not been able to sleep without the connection of a lover.

All in all, I am one of those women who does just fine on her own.

with or without a man.

In or out of relationship.

I am not needy or clingy.

I am not one with a bunch of expectations or demands.

And if my man looks at another woman,

that’s okay. We are all human. We can appreciate other humans.

Flirting is a natural and even healthy thing, in or out of a relationship.

I am not a woman who is concerned about my partners attention or even ponders the idea of them cheating on me. Matter of fact for years I was in an open relationship and joked about how my partner could not cheat on me, because I was good with him receiving pleasure from whatever source he desired. That I knew that he would play hard ball finding a woman that was truly okay with open relating and could remain confident and loving in it.

This is all accurate.

For who I was and the relationships I had.

But today, I find myself in a completely different situation.

Today I want zero space between myself and my partner.

I have to convince myself that it is healthiest to have space. That we need to spend time apart, to enjoy time away from each other.

I have to convince myself that other things are important too,

that my life does not just need nor can it maintain by just being engaged with my man.

I have found that I want the world to just go away.

To leave us.

I have daydreams of a sweet little cabin out in a meadow someplace beautiful on ton’s of acres, where just he and I reside.

We have our garden, we walk, we talk, we make love, we watch the sun rise and set, the stars dance only for us. We plan our future and we enjoy each day entwined.

At night our limbs are enwrapped, he pulls me in tight should space emerge. He kisses me softly on the forehead each morning, and grabs me passionately throughout the day. We share our tears, our laughter, our embarrassments and we have zero space for the world to seep in and cause chaos.

He is my rock.

And I am his.

There is only him and I.

And with this I find that I am not jealous.

I am not possessive.

I am territorial AF!

I do have expectations and I do make demands on time and attention. When I feel a pull away, it is as though my very heart is being severed from my chest.

When I feel his armour rise,

It is as though I have been dropped from the highest tower into great rocks below.

And when the outside comes knocking…

It’s all defenses up.

That territorialism is a protection.

Its boundaries spoken and unspoken.

It is primal in my nature to want to secure the home,

the heart, the relationship.

For this relationship is far too valuable.

It has the feeling of life itself, the feeling of coming home.

Its depth bears with it a remembrance and a desire to make sure that it is never lost arises when the world comes knocking at our door.

Now some might look at this and say that a relationship of this nature has limited trust and knowing.

And the me of yesteryear would be first on that bandwagon.

But the thing that I have learned is that it’s not lacking trust,

not in each other or the relationship. It lacks trust in the ideas and wants of the world around.

And although our intent can be good for those we see in such beauty. We can say and even take action to show that we support a relationship of this nature and depth, but in truth we humans are cunning, fickle souls. We see beauty and something inside of us is angered that it is not ours and so without realization we attempt to destroy through drama, manipulations, anger, becoming a victim or finger pointing.

We stir the pot.

We stomp our feet like a child and we demand that this sort of relationship that we claim is so beautiful and we support is actually dangerous.

The zero separation relationship is based on soul entwinement.

I have read about it in such books as Thomas Moore wrote, (Soul Mates, The Soul of Sex, Care of the Soul & More) as well as much ancient texts from tantra and sufi to the Song of Solomn.

I have tasted bites of this sort of relationship throughout my previous ones, but could I fully grasp the desire, the complexity, the hunger of the soul and the pain of being apart if even for a few hours.

It feels addictive in truth.

It makes me question everything.

And yet I cannot deny that I want for nothing else.

He is mine and I am his, is a statement that dances through my heart and mind consistently.

And to think of allowing the world to seep in and possibly poison even one cell of this relationship is sheer heresy.

Yet we are told in society that this sort of close bonding is unhealthy.

That it is an addiction.

That casting out potential danger,

or setting hard boundaries in our lives,

is not good.

To close the gates of our castle is a joke in today’s world.

We live in fear of the “what if I offend” instead of ruling our lives and relationships with a fierceness of protection.

When we are in an intimate bonding with another and our souls yearn at such a deep level as is written about soulmates and twin flame bondings,

then how could we ever allow the world an opportunity to destroy.

Zero separation.

The vacuum that we must create in the casting out of potential harm. Because in such an intimate bonding of the hearts and souls, there truly is no other.

It is just the two.

Becoming one.

And this is what our union of marriage is supposed to be,

however the majority are far from anything even close to this.

We have great disrespect, a lack of loyalty even to what we deem our mate, our life partner, our spouse, our soulmate, our primary partner, our significant other.

We may make the claim that they are our better half or other half,

but in our allowing of the world to seep in and cause chaos, to spew its anger of what it does not have in your face and try and make you feel pity, are you truly honoring your greatest and highest relationship or are you falling in dissent?

Today I ask you to look at the bond that you have with your partner?

And if you are single, I ask you to look back at your relationships and ask,

“How have I been guilty of creating space for the world to poison the beauty and depth of said intimate relationship?”

It’s time my dear to be real with self.

To see where you have opened the gates to the wolves and let them feed.

If your relationship is just one of passing,

a between that keeps you warm, makes you laugh and entertains you, then perhaps you need not be concerned…

but if your relationship is one you claim to be entwined, deeply in love and wanting eternally ( or at least this lifetime), then it’s time to ask and look within.

What is more important?

Your intimate bond or the world and its desires of you?

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Time to take your love into your own hands and heal from past wounds.

Set down your armour and embrace the life and love that you know is yours.

Want to learn how?

Reach out to me today to explore Soul Entwined Relating Now.

Photo Credit DandelionImages

May 6, 2020

If You Don’t Have Courage You Are F-cked!

OMG! I am so addicted to Ozark.

I have been just loving this Netflix series and a person like myself that never really sits down to watch television of any sort. It’s perfect to find a series that is a few seasons in so I can binge watch it at points in my life when I am in the groove to do just that.

And that is what I have been doing in the evenings a few nights a week over the last month.

So I am on Season 3 of Ozark,

and don’t worry all you peep’s who are on previous seasons,

I am not going to spoil anything for you in this share today.

But this season for sure does some twists and turns and leaves you going, “well that is about time” at points and then has you saying, “OMFG! did that just happen?” at other points.

The other night though, Wendy the main female lead for Ozark was putting on an event for this politician. As they were walking around the event site discussing things they end up in a conversation about what people want from a leader, and Wendy with her background in politics says to this man, “If you don’t have courage you are f-cked!”

This man’s face was questioning and curious to her statement, and she goes on to explain simply to him that the people want to see and will only follow and respect someone who has the balls to stand out there and speak up.

Which made me think about the truth of this statement.

And what it means to you and me,

the common folk (lol… I am far from f-cking common…and I hope that you are too.)

To be courageous in life.

To be courageous in our desires.

To be courageous in our relationships,

and with our health and well-being.

To be courageous in our work,

in our play,

in our spiritual paths.

Courageous equates to this simple truth,

Fortune or even better Well-Being and Abundance of all things wanted for favors the BOLD.

AKA – COURAGEOUS.

SO what Wendy in Ozark stated is true for any of us,

if we wanat for a life that manifests our dreams,

that provides us with the love and money,

the health and purpose,

the connection and respect,

the fulfillment that we want for,

then we must be couragous or we are f-cked.

In not being courageous we sacrifice EVERYTHING.

We turn it over to the luck of the draw you could say and our draw will remain of unsatisfactory measures because we are throwing our hands up and being a victim to the world instead of boldly standing in our dream, in our passion, in our truth.

People come to me all the time,

and even just this last few days in my dozen or so client appointment that I did 1:1 with beautiful peep’s,

I was presented the common statement of,

” I just can’t stop thinking this way.”

” I am just stuck right here and I don’t know what to do.”

“Everything I try doing does not work.”

“You said just turn my attention to something that feels better and that only works for a few moments then I am right back to the crazy, crazy in my head where I am caught in a negative loop.”

Well, my soul response to these statements,

these beliefs that are being verbalized is simple,

“It takes f-cking courage to catch yourself and to stay the course of loving yourself enough to see when you are down this rabbit hole and know that there is not a damn thing that you can do about it because you have built too much momentum around it.

It takes courage to see this truth, to take responsibility for it and love yourself out of it by dropping that ball of momentum and focusing in on something that feels totally off topic and silly,

even meaningless, but has no negative charge to it. Is easy. and then apply playful focus to this meaningless thought that actually feels good.

It takes courage to do this.

Because it goes against everything that we have been taught in our human experience by those who we love and respect, who have our best interest in heart and who have lived more than us. It takes courage to go against the concept that we have to dig more into an issue to resolve it and change it.

But when you truly think about it it’s crazy to keep adding more attention to that, that we do not desire to manifest. Focusing in on it will only guarantee our failure, or the same results that we have been getting and will only assure us more negative feelings and fear. It will only solidify the evidence against us.

You can not fix a problem as long as you are part of it.

You can not change negative thoughts and feelings that have a ton of momentum as long as you remain in them,

being in the middle of the thought and trying to think yourself out of it from that space of negativity and focus on the subject that you have resistance, thus pain wrapped up around will NEVER,

I mean never get you what you want.

You will never change your stinking thinking this way.

You will only expand and grow in it to create more of it and bounce around from negative thought to negative thought with a split second of relief here and there, only to give it back up again to what you are comfortable in,

the negative.

So if you are wanting to change your physical, mental and emotional experiences in your life to something that feels more fulfilling, loving, connective, joyful and abundant than you have to be courageous enough to catch yourself in your crap and then courageous enough to to drop it where it is and just except that that though path is going to run a muck, but you don’t have to keep playing with it, you don’t have to keep it active. And your best bet is to find something that is almost meaningless to play with, but is easy to think good about, to feel good about.

Create momentum around that and watch the other fizzle out.

It’s a bold move love.

It’s going to require you to step away from the comfort of chaos and drama,

away from your normal feelings,

away from what you perceive as your truth,

and to instead stand in courage and do what is right for you.

And when you do this consistently the rewards will be phenomenal.

Your life picture will change,

your path will expand and your dreams will start to emerge before your eyes like magic.

What you want for, wants you too.

But you have to have the courage to level up yourself and your life to manifest it with ease.

You are so worthy of this and more.

Have courage today to soothe yourself instead of beat yourself.

In love to you always.

And As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

You were born worthy of so much more than what you are allowing right now.

It is time that you say YES to you.

Message Me for deet’s on 1:1 coaching now.

I can kick your a*s from anywhere globally.

October 19, 2018

Why Things Are Not Manifesting For You: You Are Missing This Most Likely

The comment that rings loud to me from today is, “You can see who is in integrity. You cannot manifest over $22k overnight if you are not!”

Yes this comment.

So true is the statement that I knew I had to share it.
If you question WHY things are not happening for you in your manifestation process,
look no further than your integrity.

Integrity is key.

It is integrity with soul.
It is integrity with God.

And it is integrity with the world around us and the people in our lives.

We cannot manifest at the levels of blessing that we are intended to out of integrity unless we do so with a darkness attached which will only posses us somewhere down the road.

And cast ill karma onto our lives.

If you want clean manifestation that comes with ease and massive flow,
then you must not try and by pass the key component of integrity.

You must stand clear within yourself.
Clear within your relations with others.
You must listen to your soul and stop the actions of ego.

It may seem like it would be an easy thing to do.
After all,
all you are being asked to do is to stand in your own truth and speak it. Act it. and show up for and in it.

But the reality is that we humans love drama.
We are addicted to drama.
And we bask in our suffering.

It may sound sick,
and it is.

However, it still is human nature to do just this.
So we create our stories,
we share our tales,
and we devour the attention they bring us.

never realizing that we are sacrificing all of our dreams and desires,
our souls mission,
for this fraction of “feeling alive” through self created drama for attention.

Sad but true.

Many a time,
we find ourselves acting from the place of our inner fearful, self-centered bratty twelve year old state.
We throw our fit.
We beg for understanding.
We stop and we demand.
We point fingers in blame.
And we tell more tales in hopes of gaining a compassionate ear.

Weaving these tales until we can no longer find ourselves,
we continue on this spinning drama cycle where when we finally stop to breathe,
we meet reality.

The harsh back hand of reality swings over our lives and screams for us to wake up.

Our world has crumbled.
We are in the wreckage alone.
The power is still ours.
It has always been ours.

But we must face our addiction,
we must put down the need to feed on the drama.
If we ever want the opportunity to manifest the blessings that God wants for our lives.

Here we stand.
Here we weep.
Here we must come,
battered and bruised from the wounding of the drama we self- inflicted and the lessons we refused to handle in love and grace.

The answer has not changed.
The answer still remains.

Integrity is key.

Standing strong in it we create our blessings.
We manifest our desired life.
Our F-ck Yes Life!

And we smile.

Without it we fall.
Our world crumbles with every touch of our hand.

And we weep in not understanding.

Not understanding that all we ever had to do was be in our truth,
step into our soul alignment.
And live from here.

Integrity.

Will you step into it with me?
Will you embrace your self blessing power?

Or will you turn away and continue to wonder why?

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join me for 5 Intensive Weeks in a LIVE Global Facebook Workshop Starting October 22nd, 2018. Where I show you how to Embrace Your Power and Claim Your Life. Learn how a single mom of seven developed the skills to go from fear and scarcity, making $17k a year to abundance and joy making a multi-six figure income a year.

I will be sharing mind shift strategies that I have adapted through the years to manifest the Freedom Based Life that I now live today.

Limited Workshop Spot’s due to the 1+1 Private Focus Sessions that come with this workshop.
Grab Your seat now for

Embrace Your Power – Claim Your Life
“5 Step’s to a Freedom Based Life”

April 13, 2018April 13, 2018

I am just NOT a F*ck YES to you…

There he was. He was perfect too. The perfect man.

His smile, the glimmer in his eye’s, the way he stood.

That voice. OMFG! That voice.

Everything about him was my hearts desire.

He had the characteristic’s physically, mentally, spiritually and what seemed like even emotionally that I craved. And he was financially free enough to do what he wanted in life as well.

Every woman’s dream man.

I looked at him and my groins would quack with hunger and enthusiasm.

I knew it was meant to be.

There was only one small problem with him.

He just was not that into me. We were friends, we flirted, we teased, we argued even some. He really seemed to “get me” and I felt so comfortable and seen by him, however when it came down to my desire to move things into a deeper intimacy and change up the relationship, he would suddenly go distant and become very busy. He would not commit to suggestions and ideas about things I had that we could do together and it left me constantly questioning how much he really cared or what I had done wrong.

Then as time went on and I allowed some distance to form, like magic he would resurface somehow and we would pick up right where we left off and all those juicy, yummie feelings would flood back into my heart and body and I would get amnesia about the disconnect that I had just recently experienced with him.

It did not matter though, because he was here with me now.

He was smiling at me, getting me to laugh and I felt like I was on top of the world. But I was not on top of the world, I was on a merry go round with this man and my heart and the truth.

The reality was that he did not share the desire, the feelings and emotions that I did. He enjoyed our time together but he knew that it was just what it was, a fun friendship. Good times. He knew at his core that I was not the girl for him, not now, not ever most likely as the feeling were simply not mutual. As hard as that was for me to stomach, I could not change it no matter how I tried. I could have changed my body to fit his ideal, I could have started speaking and acting like the women he dated and was obviously “in to,” I could have completely let go of who I was in hopes of becoming “the one” that he would desire to be with. But, where would this lead me inevitably?

I would loose me in the process and still most likely not have him, and if I did manage to capture him it would not be real love or mutual authentic connection, turn on. It would be fake because I would be being fake.

So how happy could we really be in the long run?

Well, here is the hard cold facts ladies and gent’s and your most likely not going to want to hear it or accept it. Many people come to me and want help with their relationship, they want some magic bullet to make things go back to the way it use to be. They want the arousal, connection, depth, play, mystery and chemistry that they had the first 18 months to three years of their relationship. They want the sex that they use to have. The understanding. The love feelings that they use have. And the feeling of being desired. Unfortunately, the main reason you felt that way in the beginning of your relationship was a little thing called “New Relationship Energy. (NRE)”

NRE is intoxicating until its not. Which happens to all of us and to all relationships no matter what the status or type of relationship it is. We get NRE when we have a baby and then our baby becomes a toddler and the NRE declines some with each fit the child has. We get NRE with our new job because we are excited about it possibilities and are hanging from the ceiling about all that we were sold on in this job until two years later the reality that we got passed by on promotion hits and that we are now panicked about annual reviews, our colleagues are chatting back stabbers and our boss is know it all.

No matter what the relationship is, and EVERYTHING is relationship NRE is at the front line of the start of something beautiful and when it starts to decline we feel life itself slipping away and we start to question if it is meant to be.

Well, guess what folks, this NRE also happens in “casual, friendship based” relationship or even “casual sex” relationships. It is there, it is the connecting tissue that keeps it hot, for a time.

With that said and to remain on topic in this post, the issue is that NOT ALL NRE is equal.

Much like my tale above, just because one person is feeling all that yummie NRE, does not mean that the other person is on board with it. More often than not, this is the case. So we run around with our elementary school kid crush on our friend, colleague, or other in hopes that this feeling is mutual but in FACT, they just are not that f*cking into us. They are just not a F*ck YES to us.

Sad but true, just because we desire something does not always mean that it is meant to be. At least not meant to be with this person.

What we need to learn from experiences like this is that when we get this crush on someone that this person is showing us characteristics of the person that we do truly want to be and have in our lives. This person we are crushing on is teaching us what we should feel like all the time, opening up the door way to an aspect of ourselves where we are in alignment to our authentic self. Our radiant self, the self that we are often so fearful of showing to this world. If we look at this experience as a beautiful opportunity to tap further into ourselves and feel what it feels like to enjoy life and a moment like we do when we are in the company of these people who bless us with this desire for them then we can taste our truth.

Sample who we really are when we reveal ourselves fully.

If we choose to get caught up on creating a perfect sales pitch to get this person to see us differently, act differently or be with us more than what they desire then all we are doing is being caught in our own self-centered desires to control another’s heart for our own pleasure.

Where is the love in this act?

There is no love only lust. And lust will never lead anyone to truth.

It will only lead to suffering and failure.

My dear friend Crystal always says, ” Believe them when they first tell you who they are.” I am going to change that a tad here,

“Believe them the first time they tell you how they really feel about your relationship.”

You cannot change someone’s heart but you can honor in love where they are at and be in gratitude for the revealing of your own heart.

As always, STOP surviving and START living, you only have this life.

February 21, 2017February 4, 2019

Lot’s of Cock & Under-fucked

You can ravish your woman so deeply that her surrender breaks your heart into light. – David Deida

Lot’s of Cock & Under-fucked

” I feel nothing. I crave feeling you penetrate me deeply at a soul level but I cannot feel you even with my physical body. – Our sex is feelingless. “

I have this statement that I say sometimes about sex. It feels like I am fucking the air- it is empty and without sensation. How is this possible though when two bodies are coming together and physically connecting. Rubbing, stroking, penetrating. How can you hardly feel your partner? If at all?

So many people speak of sex ONLY from the physical level. They make it sound like sex is just sex no matter what the scenario. And for some forms of sex, sex is just sex. It is just a friction based stress release focused on the physical act and the fantasy of seeing or experiencing something that is not everyday. It is not intended or thought to be something that can penetrate your soul, provide deep purpose to ones life, alter your reality even and connect you not only to self and partner but a space where you discover all of life’s interconnectedness. This state of orgasm, of sexing is not for the timid or surface minded people of the world who are looking for further distraction and release to/from life’s troubles. This sort of sexing and orgasm is only discovered through full surrender and vulnerability. It is an extremely emotional event that can fill us with clarity, creativity, joy, bliss, tears, and heart expanding sensations. It can provide us with direction, a sense of purpose and a certainty that there is so much more that life has to offer and support. This sort of sex is healing. And science supports this.

I believe that women more so than men NEED, truly need this deeper level of connection and sex consistently in their lives. When I look out into the world and “people watch” I can point out an under fucked woman every few minutes and I have to work hard to find a properly fucked woman. Yet if I spoke to women and men alike I would hear tale after tale of the sex that was being had. This is where the misconception comes into play.

You can fuck a woman 3 times a day. Long and hard even and still ONLY be giving her your cock. She will still come out of the experience under-fucked. She may even have had some “real” orgasms. But what she is not having is sex that penetrates her very soul. What you as a man are not having, basking in or giving is sex that penetrates her soul and thus yours as well. As David Deida says, ” Penetrate your woman the way you want to penetrate the world.” – I share this quote often and what I get is the deer in the head lights look from men and women alike. The concept that a man should fuck a woman the way he wants to fuck the world and in turn be fucked open himself by the world is a hard, scary and intimidating concept to fathom. It requires a masculine that is confident, not cocky. A masculine that can allow himself to be seen and felt fully like the movie Avatar speaks of – ” I see you.” This is vulnerability. This is masculine surrender. The masculine that can open himself to his woman and know that his purpose in that moment is to not just give her dick and “make her orgasm” but to be carried to heaven through her orgasm and allow for her to take him to realms of pleasure and depth that he cannot take himself. This masculine is sexually mature. This masculine knows that the power of his cock is more than just a sexual sword to slay a woman’s sex with. He is not desiring to conquer her or control her but to be opened to her and the universe through their love making, their fucking. In doing this he not only expands his orgasm and self, he also creates a container for her to dance in. To release and be seen fully in her feminine design and orgasm. In this space the two come together and are no longer just having sex, they are gods and goddesses basking in the light of the creator and they are in their full power. Here the two can discover deeper levels of self, the universe, life and they can manifest greatness in all areas of their lives through their beautiful sexing. Here they fuck each other wide open.

So back to the title of this article – Lot’s of Cock & Under-fucked.

Ask yourself this, no matter if you are a woman or man, ” When was the last time that my sex was something more than a stress release; a duty; or focused on the physical nature of the act? When was the last time I felt so connected to my core, my soul and all of life during sex and orgasm? When was the last time my sex fulfilled me to a point that it carried me through the following week in a state of bliss?

Now answer how much “sex” am I having?

If you are having sex once a week or even twice a month, if it is the gourmet variety I am speaking of than you can be carried through on it for days and weeks. I know this for a fact. If it is of the junk food or fast food variety then you are going to wake up undernourished and hungry for more sex and most likely need your next hit of its chemicals and release to get you through the next day or two. This is where addiction sets in. This is where you are not feeding yourself or your partner well. This is under-fucked, no matter how much sex your having.

There is hope if you are a junk food sex addict.

There is hope if you have not tasted gourmet fucking for some time or ever for that matter.

There is hope for you too to experience the revelation of your deepest being through your sex.

The answers are between your legs, your ears and in your chest. The answers are found in your presence, because your presence is your power and the only sword you ever need to discover this reality.

If your sex is not leading you to your deeper purpose, then it is time to make some changes.

To learn more on this topic and conscious sexing email me today or fill out an application to work me through one of my intensive programs in person, over the phone or web today.

You deserve to be properly fucked.

The universe is craving you!!!!

April 27, 2016February 4, 2019

I think your a sex addict… are you though?

So, can sex be a true addiction? I can’t tell you how often people not only ask me this question but also how often I’ll hear people throw the words “Sex Addict” around.

Lately I have seen several articles and been involved in a few conversations with colleagues about Sex Addiction. In my experience people tend to have strong feelings around this topic.

Some people say that sex addiction is just another way to pathologize people and label them. Others say that sex is like a drug and can be used/abused, can be dangerous, and something to be approached with care. I believe both can be and are true.

I personally have worked in the past with people that have been labeled as sex addicts. Some of these individuals I believe were indeed mislabeled and yet others had created severe damage in their lives in the pursuit of sex. I’ve listened to stories from my past clients about going broke, ruining relationships, ending up in jail, and ruining their health in order to find sex.

So to me, the question is not if Sex Addiction (or abuse of sex) is real because I have seen the damage in my clients’ lives. I think the question is what is and what is not sex addiction!

What is Sex Addiction?

Technically there is no such thing as sex addiction in terms of medical terminology. An addiction of any form is simply a laymen’s term for what the medical and psychological community call abuse/dependence. The closest medical term that has been offered for what society considers Sex Addiction is “Hypersexual Disorder” which was not approved for usage in the latest addition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel (DSM 5), which is where all diagnoses of psychological disorders come from. Some also consider withholding sex a form of sex addition (“Sexual Anorexia”), which would fall under the category of Hypo-sexual disorder. Also, medical professionals have been unable to even determine what sex addiction is because it is often used to define any behavior that deviates from societal norms. This includes “excessive” sexual intercourse, masturbation, viewing of pornography, partners, etc.

The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” Since there is no agreed upon definition of what a sex addiction is, I would like to offer what I use with my clients to determine when someone has entered an unhealthy territory in the way of sexual behaviors.

• Are you able to function in your daily life? (Going to work, taking care of adult responsibilities, taking care of physical health, etc.)

• Are you continuing to engage in behaviors despite intense dangers to your physical health, career, or financial well-being?

• Are you unable to stop the behaviors despite them no longer bringing you pleasure?

If someone says, “Yes,” to the above situation, then they very well might be stuck in an addictive cycle with sex, porn, or masturbation. Thankfully there are many wonderful therapists/coaches that work with sex addiction and can help determine what emotional needs are trying to be met through these behaviors.

What Sex Addiction is NOT!

Often Sex Addiction is used as a scapegoat for Cheating, Lying, Jealousy, and Taboo behaviors. As long as the below behaviors are not stopping normal adult functioning, a sex addiction is not:

• Cheating: Just because a partner is enjoying sex with another person(s) does not mean they are addicted. It means that there is a breakdown somewhere in the communication and the relationship. Often women particularly will struggle emotionally with the thought of a partner cheating and so will label that other person a sex addict. I believe people often see it as a more acceptable/ less embarrassing than having to admit their partner cheated OR the person engaging in the infidelity finds it easier than having to manage the repercussions of infidelity. Cheating can cause emotional turmoil on both sides but that does not make it a sex addiction

• Polyamory/Open Relationships: Just because a person chooses a different lifestyle does not make them have an addiction. Often people are under the impression that people in these types of relationships are “sex crazed” and are constantly engaging in dangerous sexual experiences. Research studies have actually shown the exact opposite, that people in these relationships communicate and take more precautions for safety in sex than single/monogamous couples. However, instead of learning about these lifestyles, it is easier to smack a label on a person or think they are just choosing that lifestyle for the sex.

• Pornography: I do not personally like pornography because I think it can push unhealthy standards but a person does not have an addiction just because they enjoy viewing pornography. Viewing porn can be a healthy part of adult sexual experiences. Many couples pursue pornography to add spice into a relationship and many single people use it to meet their basic human needs in a safe and healthy manner.

• Enjoying Sex/Sex-ploration: Many times I will hear people throw the word sex addict out when they hear about a person engaging in more sex then they deem “appropriate.” Based on religious beliefs, upbringing, and our society, many people have strong ideals on what is and is not okay. The truth is we have no right to tell others when their desires/needs have been met or to limit them according to our personal ideals of sex. A person could have a new sex partner every night for a year and still not be a sex addict!

• Masturbation: Again, masturbation is a super healthy aspect of human sexuality and does not mean a person is a sex addict. Our bodies are meant to be enjoyed and so we don’t get to tell others how often that is okay.

• Taboo Sex: As we expand as a society, more and more people are venturing into new sexual territory. There is a reason why 50 Shades of Grey took the nation by storm! In our ignorance of a sexual preference we often label people as having a “problem.” As adults we have the right to explore whatever we like in the privacy of our own bedroom (outside of illegal preferences such as child abuse or animal abuse). Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t make it an addiction.

Sex Addiction is serious and can very much ruin a person’s life. If a person truly has a sex addiction then they do need help to put their lives back together. In true sexual addiction, the person needs to explore the pain and patterns that are keeping them stuck in a destructive cycle. There are some amazing therapy and treatment centers out there to help these individuals. Though beware because there are some other treatment centers that turn this addiction into a moral issue and will try to shame the addiction out of a person or suggest taking on habits such as celibacy. These treatments are not effective and will often just drive the addict deeper into the addiction long-term.

Sex Addiction is not a scapegoat phrase or something to be thrown around in order to express your dislike of a person’s sexual behaviors. It’s not an excuse for infidelity and not a rationale for someone having a high sexual appetite.

Original Article by Addison Bell, Tantric Practitioner & Coach

May 4, 2013January 24, 2019

Nudity Provides Health Benefits for Your Body and Brain

Is clothing crushing us? Are we trapped in tomb-like textiles, exiling our flesh from experiencing the environment? Are we atrophying our epidermis, our senses, our neuro-intelligence?

If you put a plaster cast on a broken arm the skin starves for Vitamin D, the muscles weaken due to strangled range of motion, the nerve synapses depress to a whimper of their former joy. Twenty-first century hominids? We shroud our entire skin palette except for face, neck and hands – we obliterate symbiosis with the planet.

We hide in cocoons, when we could be free as butterflies.

History reveals many cultures that were not clothes-minded. Spartans were basically bare and their victories in pan-Hellenic sports competitions enticed all neighboring Greeks to exercise nude, creating the word “gymnasium” (Greekgymnos = naked). Romans mingled in magnificent bathhouses, enjoying dense communal nudity as they drank, dined, defecated, bathed, read books, argued politics, and watched theater. Adamists — naked heretics — performed stripped-down church services in North Africa, Bohemia, the Netherlands, and England. Pre-Hitler Germans were avid adherents of Freikorperkultur (“Free Body Culture”) with 70,000 attending co-ed Nacktkultur schools.

There’s naked Japanese in hot springs, naked Finns in saunas, “sky-clad” Jain monks in India, plus millions of nudists worldwide going to “Nakation” camps, beaches, and resorts. They’re still sporty as Spartans, eager to hike naked (“free bush rambling”), canoe naked (“canuding”), bicycle naked, ride horses naked, run naked, play volleyball, badminton, ping-pong and chess naked, swim naked, dance naked, do Naked Yoga, Naked Tai Chi, Naked Gardening, Naked Bowling, and of course, many of us, perhaps you and I, dear readers, are NIFOC — Naked In Front of Computers.

Many famous figures were bare-all aficionados; too many politicians to name, so I’ll just list sci-fi and scientists: Leonard Nimoy, Alexander Graham Bell, Robert Heinlein, and seismologist Charles Richter. Nudism is prominent in Philip Jose Farmer’s Riverworld books and John Varley’s Steel Beach. Celebrities? Many movie stars skinny-dip at the French Riviera, trying to elude paparazzi seeking pix of Bruce WIllis’willy or Natalie Portman’s port side.

Here’s evidence suggesting that skin-only can be superior:

Born Free. Pediatricians agree that infants thrive with a daily dose of “naked time” because the unhampered range of motion aids brain development, stimulating neuron growth. Recent discoveries reveal that the “plastic” brain changes and develops throughout our entire lives. Neuroplasticity pioneer Michael M. Merzenich believes, “Everything that you can see happen in a young brain can happen in an older brain.” Doesn’t this imply that “naked time” is equally valuable for humans of any age, especially the elderly?

Weakened Bodies. A 2003 University of Reading study entitled “A Naked Ape Would Have Fewer Parasites” posits that “humans evolved hairlessness to reduce parasite loads, especially ectoparasites that may carry disease.” Unfortunately, the garments we wear can be a breeding ground for filthy fungi and bad bacterium, causing yeast infections, urinary tract infections, rotting toenails. Lyme Disease deer ticks can grab onto our sweaters and sea lice can sneak into our bathing suit crotches. Cinched-up belts, ties, and clothes impede breathing. Men’s snug pants raise testicle temperature, lowering sperm count and fertility.

Superior Socialization. Self-actualization proponent Abraham Maslow believed “Nudism… is itself a kind of therapy.” Health benefits of social nudity include stress reduction, satiation of curiosity about the human body, reduction of porn addiction, a sense of full-body integration and developing a wholesome attitude about the opposite gender. Research at the University of Northern Iowa discovered that nudists have significantly higher body self-acceptance. Another study concluded that teens at a New York nudist camp were “extraordinarily well-adjusted, happy, and thoughtful.” It’s also excellent for children to grow up free of shame about the human body.

Tolerant Views.A University of Central Florida 2008 study of 384 participants concluded that pro-nudity students “were significantly more accepting of other religious groups and gays and lesbians” when compared to the anti-nudity students. They were also “less prejudiced towards ethnically dissimilar others.”

Soothe Away Your Crazies. Massage is recognized as a therapeutic treatment for mental health issues like depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bipolarism, borderline personality disorder, learning difficulties, and low self-esteem. Theskin stimulation of massage — improving blood flow and detoxifying the lymph system — is duplicated by the warmth, freedom, and improved circulation generated in nakedness.

Soak Up The Rays Vitamin D deficiency is currently soaring, with up to 75% of USA teens and adults receiving insufficient amounts of the “sunshine vitamin.” Lack of this essential health aid is a factor in numerous ailments, including cancer, heart disease, osteoporosis and diabetes. Anyone who bares all outside as a “naturist” harvests larger amounts of Vitamin D in a quicker time span.

Financial Liberation. Clothes are a huge money and time-suck with shopping, laundry, closets, dressers, and gazillions of hours wasted wondering what so-and-so looks like with their garments removed. The global markets for swimsuits alone is expected to reach $17.6 billion annually by 2015; our carbon footprint would shrink like a wool sweater if fabric was no longer manufactured.

Longevity (just joking!). Have you noticed that the furry Norway Rat only lives 2-3 years, while the Naked Mole Rat survives to be 28?

So… is the future going to be full frontal? Will the post-Singularity planet be stripped? Will everyone in a climate-controlled tomorrow choose to be nude, strutting around like the Nuba dancers and boxers of Leni Reifenstahl?

Trends point to an era where there won’t be a stitch to worry about. Many resort areas are are now offering nudism to increase tourism, and American naturist clubs claim their enrollment is growing 20% annually. The German airline OssiUrlaub.de offered nude chartered flights to a Baltic sea resort, and today’s lengthy luggage searches at airports are steering travelers to destinations where they only need carry-on towels and sunblock. Twenty million Europeans already go to nude beaches and spas.

Getting goosebumps imagining it, are you?

Original Posting by Hank Pellissier on The Immortal Life

September 4, 2012January 24, 2019

If you want to change the world love a man…

If you want to change the world love a man; really love him
Choose the one whose soul calls to yours clearly who sees you; who is brave enough to be afraid
Accept his hand and guide him gently to your hearts blood
Where he can feel your warmth upon him and rest there
And burn his heavy load in your fires
Look into his eyes look deep within and see what lies dormant or awake or shy or expectant there
Look into his eyes and see there his fathers and grandfathers and all the wars and madness their spirits fought in some distant land, some distant time

Look upon their pains and struggles and torments and guilt; without judgment
And let it all go
Feel into his ancestral burden
And know that what he seeks is safe refuge in you
Let him melt in your steady gaze
And know that you need not mirror that rage
Because you have a womb, a sweet, deep gateway to wash and renew old wounds

If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Sit before him, in the full majesty of your woman in the breath of your vulnerability
In the play of your child innocence in the depths of your death
Flowering invitation, softly yielding, allowing his power as a man
To step forward towards you…and swim in the Earth’s womb, in silent knowing, together
And when he retreats…because he will…flees in fear to his cave…
Gather your grandmothers around you…envelope in their wisdoms
Hear their gentle shusshhhed whispers, calm your frightened girls’ heart
Urging you to be still…and wait patiently for his return
Sit and sing by his door, a song of remembrance, that he may be soothed, once more

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Do not coax out his little boy
With guiles and wiles and seduction and trickery
Only to lure him…to a web of destruction
To a place of chaos and hatred
More terrible than any war fought by his brothers
This is not feminine this is revenge
This is the poison of the twisted lines
Of the abuse of the ages, the rape of our world
And this gives no power to woman it reduces her as she cuts off his balls
And it kills us all
And whether his mother held him or could not
Show him the true mother now
Hold him and guide him in your grace and your depth
Smoldering in the center of the Earth’s core
Do not punish him for his wounds that you think don’t meet your needs or criteria
Cry for him sweet rivers
Bleed it all back home

If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Love him enough to be naked and free
Love him enough to open your body and soul to the cycle of birth and of death
And thank him for the opportunity
As you dance together through the raging winds and silent woods
Be brave enough to be fragile and let him drink in the soft, heady petals of your being
Let him know he can hold you stand up and protect you
Fall back into his arms and trust him to catch you
Even if you’ve been dropped a thousand times before
Teach him how to surrender by surrendering yourself
And merge into the sweet nothing, of this worlds’ heart

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Encourage him, feed him, allow him, hear him, hold him, heal him
And you, in turn, will be nourished and supported and protected
By strong arms and clear thoughts and focused arrows
Because he can, if you let him, be all that you dream

If you want to love a man, love yourself, love your father
Love your brother, your son, your ex-partner; from the first boy you kissed,
To the last one you wept over
Give thanks for the gifts; of your unraveling to this meeting
Of the one who stands before you now
And find in him the seed to all that’s new and solar
A seed that you can feed to help direct the planting
To grow a new world, together
~Anonymous~