You are not being real with yourself.
Seriously you are not.
You may have some ego pop up in you from reading these words, you may want to argue it and fight it and point to all the ways that you are authentic and truthful, but in reality you are not showing up as your radiant authentic self.

How can I make this bold statement?
Because none of us are.
We are all hiding from aspects of ourselves, we are all in denial of our truth.

We mask ourselves from these flaws, these nasty little monsters that we keep locked away in the closets of our personality and mind. The shadows of our soul’s light.

Yes none of us are authentically us.

I was having a conversation with a man a few weeks ago and the topic of authenticity came up. He asked me why I colored my hair and why I put extensions in my hair. He told me he thought that I was beautiful just the way God created me and he wondered why I would not just authentically be me the way God intended at my birth.

I attempted to explain to him that I did these things with my hair because I wanted to. It was not for anyone but myself and it was all about how they made me feel.

His response was one based in his care for me and his adoration for who I am and what I share that helps him understand his life and relationships with more clarity and ease. But the energy that it met me with felt like control.

The more I found myself explaining my choices, the more I felt like I was dealing with my father and was somehow in a position of explaining myself and getting his permission. Which is sheer craziness for this particular relationship for sure, however the energy that was there was still the same. And it was met by my frustration of having to explain when I find no need to explain myself.

But here I was EXPLAINING.

I do what I do, for me not anyone else.
It is that simple.
Yet here I was in this conversation. This man’s big brown eyes looking at me like a curious little boy with a desire for me to know that I did not need to do anything in his eyes to be better. I was perfect as I was.

He took my actions of coloring my hair and having extensions as a lack of authenticity.

Asking me, ” How can you advocate authenticity so much but then not be the you that God created? Why do you have to change yourself?”

The reality is that I am being very authentic in my actions of coloring my hair, having fuller, longer hair with my extensions, by decorating my body with the tattoo’s, the perfumes, the makeup or lack of makeup that I choose. I put on the clothes that I feel best in each day, whatever that may be. I do not dress because of some dress code or how I believe I want people to perceive me, I dress how I desire based on my mood in the moment. I make choices for my body and how I choose to show up physically in the world based not on what someone is telling me or how I will be perceived but on who I am in that day.

Some days I feel like a stay at home mom who just wants to stay in her PJ’s and not care about her hair or looks.

Some days I feel like a sultry seductress who wants to wear no panties, a skirt with a slit up to my mid thigh and a revealing top.

Some days I feel like an outdoor adventurer and grab my jeans and a tee shirt and hiking shoes.

Some days I feel like I want to put on my professional hat and be very of the mind and structures so I put on more traditional business clothes.

Then there are the days where I look like a total biker bitch.
The days where I could give Princess Diana (bless her soul) a run for her money on beautiful dresses.

No matter what the day, I guarantee I am showing up as me in the moment.

You may be shaking your head in agreeance right now, or wonder why the eff I am even writing about this.

The message of this brief share is to say that none of us are 100% authentic.
All we can ever do is try and show up as authentic as we can in any given moment.
And our hair, clothes, makeup or anything else that we choose to add to our physical being is not a masking of our truth.
There are plenty of us who use these things to hide from ourselves or choose what we do with our physical beings based on what society, work, family say we should do, but when you get right down to it. If you feel deep into yourself, you will see that the way you choose to express yourself is yours and only yours.

The more in alignment you are to who you truly are,
the less likely you are to make decisions based on anyone other than yourself.

There is never a need to explain who you are or why you are choosing what you are choosing.

You do you.
The ONLY thing you ever need to realize is that the expression of you that you let be seen needs to come from your soul, not your fear of others.

True authenticity is about your heart and soul.
It is about alignment and revealing just this.

The most outwardly made up person, with plastic surgery, pounds of makeup, expensive clothes, the most expensive car and a fancy resume can be one of the most authentic people you will ever know if they are expressing their soul’s creativity for the growth and connection to their soul.

Or they can be one of the most masked people you will ever meet if they are only trying to look a certain way and be a certain way because they don’t believe they are enough or that this is the only way they will ever get love or connection.

Either can be true.

I CHOOSE me.
I CHOOSE honoring my soul’s creative flow in life.
I CHOOSE showing up without apology for who I am every day.
I CHOOSE self love, which means doing what feel’s good for me.

Authentically loving myself and doing what turns me on.
Can you say the same?

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

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How did I get myself into this one…

My confessions: I’m a hardcore romance junkie, like heroin and crack. And I can’t seem to confront myself directly without going through a man to do it.

What is it in here that is so disturbing to me that I can’t face it?

Perhaps the squirming snake of my own immense hunger, endless and ready to swallow the nutrient it craves whole. The moral-less flavor of it, the disregard it has for human life, for values, for ideals, for feelings, for “where people are at,” for slowing down and for “holding space.”

It’s this coiling boa constrictor of appetite that is simply meant to eat. The hunting predator in the woods doesn’t think at all except to calculate distance, how to make sure the wind doesn’t carry her scent to her prey, and how to have it be that her final powerful leap lands her right on top of her target.

This is the one in me who craves the romance. I don’t know why romance is the thing. I don’t know if it is because my dad used to drink and he used to leak emotion all over me when he was in his cups deep, emotion that had this thick sweet cloying romantic quality to it. Well yeah that’s probably it. All I know for sure is that it’s still something that has dominion over me, for better or worse. And now I find myself winding my way through another romance.

The stage is set. We have been seeing each other for a few weeks and while it’s new, there is a deep spot of involuntary that got touched in us both.

So there’s me: unconventional relationship practices for the last decade, anything close to monogamous not among them. And there’s him: if you love someone and they love you, and you have sex, you are now monogamous. And if that changes or goes off-course it equates total psychic devastation.

Some might see this as an impasse, but my mind is in heavy play-mode these days, so… I came up with a game. Thirty days of research – I am monogomish (I still practice Orgasmic Meditation with others) and he has to sleep with other people.

This is a huge edge for both of us on each side. For him, having me and having other women totally cracks open his concepts of conventional relating. What woman would afford her man these luxuries? Does it mean I don’t want him enough? Does it mean he might become some kind of “lesser” man who just likes to fuck loads of women?

And for me, well… I’ve prided myself in being a free woman for a number of years now. Free in her thinking and in her sex, a rare breed we call “turned-on women” who won’t allow themselves to lock down into too much conventionality lest they lose their ability to move freely in the world and liberate others. This looks different for all of us but for me a huge component of it was non-monogomy.

My sex is my furnace, my generator, my power; to hand the satisfaction of it all over to one person feels terrifying. Does it mean I’m not free anymore? Does it mean I’m going to sleep inside of my addiction to romance? Does it mean I won’t be able to produce enough fuel for my fire and my power will dwindle?

It’s day three. All I know so far is that there is a vigilant hunter that usually sweeps through the area as I walk through London, as I chat with people in a room, as I surf the internet. And this hunter is suddenly quieting in the arena of searching for prey.

Some part of me is softening into allowing myself to be pet and taken care of. This was so not the stroke for me in the past but now here I am and it is.

I can feel my insides relax into it unexpectedly and sink into a deeper sense of femininity and reception.

ORIGINAL POSTING @ Orgasm Daily

As Always, Stop Existing & Start Living

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living