I HATE YOU…. YOU EVIL PIECE OF SH*T!
I will show you my pain.
I will make you feel how badly you have hurt me.
I can’t believe you ever loved me.
I can’t trust you ever again.
You need to pay for what you have done.
I am broken because of you.
You owe me closure, explanations.
I want to hear it from your lips.
How dare you do this to us.
And so many other things that we say in the midst of break up and tossing our pain out there in the world at the ones that we proclaim to have loved and lost.
Often in break up we fall prey to the belief that we need to be a victim in the break up.
We want to appear the victim.
Or at least we think that we are the victim,
that we are not an active game player in the relationship destruction.
After all WE DID EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to make it work.
It is the other person’s doing that things are crashing down.
It is the other person’s fault that we are hurting, lost, angry.
We blame the other person for the chaos, the violence, the hatred.
And something inside of us wants the other to feel piss poor about the break up and show their pain to us, fight us, antagonize us, maybe even beg for the relationship and want us.
Yes we want often in relationship break up to do the most painful thing we can think,
and that is to get our partner to want us back,
to get them to see their wrongs and then we want to CRUSH THEM.
And if they do not stand in the fight with us then we do everything in our power to instigate their pain and anger.
We antagonize, and we fully step out of alignment with who we really are.
In all of these ego based reactions to break up,
we forget the most important thing in the relationship.
We forget the two people who love each other.
We forget our hearts.
We forget our cores.
And we hand over ALL our personal power and self- respect by acting immaturely and acting out in rage and hatred.
We believe that we need to show how badly we are hurting,
how much our hearts desire to be united with this other person or how much we want and need them by leaning fully into our pain bodies and stepping away from WHO WE TRULY ARE.
And so we become a Taylor Swift song and we slash tires, throw bricks, carve our names in furniture and cars, flatten tires, destroy our lovers property, try to deface them through slander and attempt to destroy their worlds, their relationships by letting the world know our pain.
We act out and we attack.
Whether we are the one’s doing the breaking up or the one’s getting broken up with, often at least one party if not both believe that break up can only happen if they turn the other into a persecutor and themselves into a victim.
But folks THIS IS NOT LOVE.
And if you truly ever loved someone,
if you wanted and could see a life with that person,
if you had a life blossoming with them,
if you found yourself in your heart,
expanding, growing, exploring love and relationship,
and you want to do so much good for that person and for yourself then WHY do you want to dishonor the relationship, yourself, them and most importantly LOVE in this fashion of becoming a victim?
Emotional maturity in relationship is a powerful tool,
no matter the events occuring in the relationship.
If we have a strong standing in who we are as individuals and if we truly have self- love and respect then we may feel the anger, the pain but having emotional maturity and respect for self and for the love will guide us. We will also be able to see our role in the relationship break up.
Because there are no such things as victims in a relationship break up. Even in the worst break ups, where physical violence has occured ( and I have had this happen in my lifetime) we each play a role. We are active participants in the events that are happening to us.
Emotional maturity, spiritual maturity, maturity in general is about taking responsibility for self.
If you think you did not have that coming….
Think again love.
You are a co-manifestor to your reality.
You are an active creator to your life.
Your thoughts.
Your fears.
Your actions.
Your lack of knowing yourself and upholding who you are,
not doing your own internal work and getting right with YOU,
loving you unconditionally, accepting you unconditionally, lying to yourself and using your partner and others, life as a mask to your own internal issues,
PLAYED A MF BIG A*S ROLE IN THIS MOMENT.
In your pain.
The reality is this love…..
Break ups MUST happen in relationships that are OUT OF ALIGNMENT with the people who are in the relationship.
Relationships have expiration dates.
A reason.
A season.
A lifetime.
Even the lifetime one’s come to a physical end.
The sooner we humans get right with the fact that all relationships end, the better our relationships can be. The more fulfilling, loving and the more harmonious our breakups can be.
Imagine ending a relationship in love instead of hatred and pain?
Imagine two people loving themselves so much so that their love for each other and the relationship allowed them to end it in love as well.
In honor.
In respect.
And did not mean that they needed to destroy the other to prove their love.
Because destroying the other IS NOT LOVE.
It is ego.
And it is not love to self or honor of self either.
It is fear.
It is not soul based.
It is ego based and immature.
But instead imagine realizing that the relationship has served its time and purpose, finding gratitude for all this it taught you, openned you up too, brought into your life and helped you gain clarity around.
Imagine being in love with the time and lessons that were shared.
And knowing that its expiration was upon your doorstep, but that it did not mean that you had to be in pain or anger.
Instead that you could love this other person and yourself so much that you could let go and move forward in confidence that all things happen for a reason.
This is love.
And ending relationship in love uplifts both parties.
Ending relationships in love supports the lives and future relationships of both parties.
Ending relationship in love expands who we are,
heals us, opens us and is one of the greatest gifts that we can offer OURSELVES.
Imagine this relationship break up and ask yourself today,
How mature am I my relationships?
Do I take responsibility for myself in them?
Do I truly act from love or do I let my ego get in the way and become a victim?
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to elevate your love and life in 2021?
Ready to call in that soul aligned relationship that you cannot see past?
Let’s get you aligned to your core love.
Reach out to me for information on my 1:1 and group coaching programs starting in January 2021 and the early bird discounts for those coming later this month.