Hypertonus of the pelvic floor is extremely common and often treated incorrectly (as general pelvic floor weakness) because many do not understand the biomechanical functions of muscle well. The problem lies here:
1. There is some sort of pelvic floor or low back or hip issue.
2. The pelvic floor is evaluated for “strength” because it is well understood that in order to maintain correct skeletal orientation and pressures on nerves and ligaments and stuff, the pelvic floor is really important.
3. The pelvic floor evaluation comes back as NOT CONTRACTING WELL, as measured by EMG (electromyograph) or by good old fashioned pressure on a finger.
4. The low-force producing pelvic floor is deemed weak and one is typically given strengthening exercises.
This is all very logical, but unfortunately the very large oversight is that tight or hypertonic pelvic floor muscle will register as “weak” because it is unable to generate force due to the fact that this muscle is already in its tightest (and shortest) position.
Currently there is no agreed-upon clinical standard for measurement (i.e. value of EMG or the finger test) that indicates, when the pelvic floor is not performing correctly, if it’s because it is too tight (read: short) or too loose (read: long). The general misunderstanding seems to be that all a weak muscle needs is a little EXERCISE to fix it up. In actuality, research shows that MORE KEGELS, MORE CORE TENSION, AND MORE SUCKING IN THE GUT MAKE THIS PROBLEM WORSE AND NOT BETTER.
Most pelvic floor issues are created not by one-time events like pregnancy or a skiing accident (like falling on a hip), but by habits that accumulate over time — especially those habits we all share — sitting in chairs the bulk of every day, not using a squat throughout a lifetime, exposure to chronic stress, and then, of course, doing extreme correctives and overdeveloping tension in the abdomen and pelvic floor.
This is a letter from my inbox, which the author gave me permission to share with ya’ll:
I was hoping the Pelvic Floor Guru in you would have some pearls of wisdom for me. I am 35, a virgin (sad as that may be, it’s not my main problem!), and have a steel trap for a pelvic floor–not in a good way. There have been times when a pap smear/etc. were in order, but no doctor has been able to get a speculum in. Not even an “infant” size. The smallest of tampons is uncomfortable. You can imagine the implications this has on my life.
If you think of the vagina like a clock, 3 and 9 o’clock (hip to hip) seem fine, but there is NO give at 12 and 6 (front to back). Does that make sense?
I have several of your DVDs and do the “Down There” stretches every day. I’ve talked to a RN, who is also a physical therapist specializing in the female zone, and she says there are some things she could try to help get those muscles to unclench, but, frankly, it sounds the opposite of delightful.
Boy-howdy, do I hope you have some ideas for me! Thank you for any thoughts you may have!
First of all, thank you for writing, lovely reader. Your description of front-to-back tension is very clear — thank you for that. When you have tension in this direction, it is key to learn about the sacrum and how the pelvic floor can act upon it (read more here) as well as understand that the butt muscles are strong force generators that should be keeping the PF muscles supple in the front-to-back direction.
Understanding the roll of the bum to keep the pelvic floor healthy, full-of-blood (not in a vampire/Halloween way, but in a “hey, I’m healthy, used, and full-of-blood kind of way”), and to provide appropriate leverage for the pelvic floor is essential.
No butt, no pelvic floor. Know butt, know pelvic floor.
Someone should make that a bumper sticker. You’d put that on your car’s rear end, yeah?
Anyhow. When hypertonus is diagnosed correctly, there’s usually one option when it comes to what your insurance will cover and that is physical therapy, but most specifically, “internal work.”Internal as in
Checking your oil.
Going under the hood.
Gettin’ one’s hands dirty.
And, a bunch of other euphemisms that seem to relate to cars.
P.S. Isn’t this a great book cover? I just found it on Amazon (click) and think a Do-It-Herself Guide a great graduation gift for any women heading off to the next steps in life!
So, what’s the problem with internal work? Well, if your pelvic floor has developed some sort of chronic issue that is causing you grief, chances you, like the writer of the email, are not very enthralled with the idea of some stranger poking around in your goods.
Because I am the Queen of Down Under,
I will attempt to shed a bit of light on both the process of internal work, my personal experience with it, as well as things you can do that can also improve hypertonus if you’re not ready to get down with your bad self. To help me out, I’ve brought in Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist Susan McLaughlin.
Susan is not only a bad-ass therapist, she’s also a graduate and Master-Teacher-in-Training of our Restorative Exercise™ Whole-Body Alignment program. She does internal work a lot, so I’m going to have her explain what the process is “like” for those who want to know.
So, Susan. Is internal work as creepy as it sounds?
There is a lot of taboo in our culture about genitalia, incontinence and sex and so first of all, it can be an uncomfortable experience to share your pelvic floor issue with your friends or even health care provider. Don’t let that stop you, please! For me, as a practitioner, internal work is a key component to understanding the state and function of the muscles, fascia, potential scar tissue and nerves. So, no, not creepy.
I don’t know, Susan. The word “genitalia” is kind of creepy. But then again, so is the word “creepy,” so I might just be overreacting.
Can you explain a bit about the actual process of internal work? Once when I was getting a facial, I was all relaxed and my face was warm and wet and I had a small fluffy animal placed over my eyes to really make it a spa-like, relaxing experience you know? Then, out of the blue, I hear this sound like someone is being electrocuted, and then I realize that the buzzing and zapping electricity thing is now touching my face, which is wet and my eyes are covered… I had a major freak out that ruined the facial. Even though the therapist knew that the electrical-zappy thing wouldn’t hurt me, I didn’t.
Wow, that was a long story.
But important! Because I, like most people, don’t like to be startled in a session, so I want to know everything that’s going to happen. What is a session with internal work like?
Prior to the internal exam, a superficial assessment is performed.
Sorry to interrupt. Just wanted to clarify that a superficial assessment does not in anyway imply that the practitioner is a shallow person, but that before going in, they take a look around at the surface. You many continue.
The practitioner visually inspects the skin (identifying redness due to inflammation, discoloration, swelling, etc) and observes the perineum for tissue integrity/responsiveness during a pelvic floor contraction, cough and bearing down, as well as palpation of the superficial muscle for tenderness, symmetry. The internal exam is a one finger vaginal (or rectal) assessment. The client is asked to perform a pelvic floor contraction. The quality and strength of the contraction is assessed as well as the ability to return to resting position. If a person is not in a painful state, it is good to assess the endurance of the muscle by having the person hold a pelvic contraction for 10 seconds and then repeat as many repetitions as they can until they fatigue. Quick contractions are assessed by having the client repeat as many as they can in 10 seconds. Again the quality of the muscle activity is important. Some people contract, but never go back to resting position…that is not good. Also the muscles are palpated for tone, tenderness, trigger points. The process is then repeated on the other side.
You sound smart and all clinically and stuff. Do you wear a white coat while you do this?
A lab coat is not my style, though many PTs wear them.
Well, so far it sounds swell. Like a massage, only not But this is what everyone really wants to know: Does it hurt?
Initially, the evaluation and some follow-up visits may be painful. As the muscles and fascia begin to release, the holding patterns let go and many people experience pain relief during the internal work.
As a biomechanist, I’d like to chime in here for a second about the pain thing. Knowing how sensory receptors work and having had internal work myself, would you agree that the amount of pain felt is equal to the amount of tension or resistance to the pressure being applied? Meaning, the therapist might not be pushing at all, it’s the muscles pushing BACK that cause pain. And if one could use the pain as a mental signal — “oh, here is a place that needs to soften” — instead of just thinking — “Damn Woman, stop hurting me!”, wouldn’t the sensation of “pain” instantly lessen?
Yes, actually. I have people practice breathing and mindfully letting the muscles go. I can feel the change in the muscle instantaneously if they are able to do that… and most people can.
Ok. So you’re really just helping people become aware of tension patterns they didn’t even know they had, and open their eyes to a situation that they can actually fix themselves! With a little help, of course…
How does an internal work session compare to a Pap exam? This one time, I thought I’d schedule my annual Pap on my birthday. Which, I just wanted to let everyone know, is not as good of an idea as it sounds. But anyhow, please continue. I just thought you might be interested in knowing the highlights of my Pap history.
Thanks. The sessions are different than a Pap because there is no speculum used. And internal sessions are focused on the re-education of muscles, habits, movements, alignment. If a person is experiencing pain, it is important to teach them how to relax the pelvic muscles. Because these muscle have been held in tension it can be difficult to know how to relax. I have found it very helpful to use a finger inserted at the vaginal opening to assist with the cue to “drop” the pelvic muscle downward/backward. A slight pressure onto the muscle provides stimulus to tell the muscle to let go. This can be helpful for the first few visits until the person has confidence in performing the relaxation on their own. Each therapist has their own manual therapy skills to assist in releasing the muscle/fascia/joint dysfunction.
It sounds very clinical and not that fun. Do you ever laugh at all? I mean, not tell dumb jokes or anything (like me), but would you recommend we pick a therapist they feel comfortable with? To me, a therapist is like a pair of shoes in the store. If they don’t quite fit in the beginning, does the relationship improve? Or, better yet, do people have the right to “interview” an internal therapist for maybe 5 minutes to see if they feel relaxed in general? What are your thoughts?
I am being very clinical right now, my bad. I do actually have a sense of humor and am able to help people feel at ease. I like to explain to people what I will be doing so people know what it going to happen and they can choose whether they feel comfortable or not. Comfort is a big deal. It’s a good idea to call a clinic before you make an appointment and have a quick chat with the therapist to see if it would be a good fit.
Ha ha. You said make sure your vagina therapist is a good fit. Get it? (P.S. If you didn’t laugh at that, then pause, take a breath or two, and see if you can relax your pelvic floor muscles Right Now and read it again!)
Anyways. Do you use equipment? Wires? Electrodes? Headlamps?
Currently I don’t use any equipment. However, many therapists utilize biofeedback, electrical stimulation or TENS.
Oh, right. A TENS. Um, do you want to tell us what a TENS is?
A TENS unit (transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) is something that clients can use at home for pain. There are external electrodes that stick to your sacral/low back area or on your abdomen. The electric impulses travel through the nerves to the spinal cord and block the pain impulses that go to the brain (basically keeping the secretary busy so she can’t relay the message to the boss that something is going on). This doesn’t hurt and can actually allow some temporary pain relief. You can buy them off of Amazon for like 40 bucks.
Thanks for explaining the TENS. Although I think many people find a nightly glass or two of wine to be effective
Ok, back to internal therapy. How long does it take to work?
Generally, it may take anywhere from 6-8 visits. Of course, this depends on many factors: is the client doing their home play, how long they have experienced the issue, etc.
Ok. So how does internal work work. (Seems like a lot of work.) Are you fixing my muscles for me? What am I supposed to do/feel/change?
Physical therapy can help facilitate joint mobility and release of fascia and muscle trigger points. The client should begin to become more aware of the pelvic floor muscles as well as all muscles. Notice habits like holding breath, sucking in, excessive sitting and begin changing dysfunctional patterns. The key to lasting change is held by the client. In all of my sessions I emphasize whole-body alignment principles, stress reduction/management, exercise and movement, and nutrition when appropriate.
Is there homework?
Always homework! Restorative Exercise™ and every-day alignment principles.
I’d like to jump in and offer my favorite, get-the-heck-off-your-sacrum, you are damaging your pelvic floor tip here — make sure you are sitting in neutral pelvis and not on a slightly tucked one.
What’s internal work like for a practitioner? What are you feeling for?
The practitioner is feeling for muscle tone/twitch, connective tissue mobility, dense thickened bands in the tissue, adhesion, and symmetry between sides.
Most people think of pelvic floor as just the vaj, but after my vaginal delivery, I developed a hematoma that burst and it seemed to send my deep hip rotator on that side into a spasm. No amount of stretching or specific correctives could get to it and I could still feel that something was off in my hips, even though my vaj was fine. During my session, through help in “finding” the tension I was carrying, I was able to let go of the protective mode I’d been in for almost a year. It made me cry, and not because it hurt. It didn’t! But I just had all this feelings — tense, sad, worried, joy, relief — tied up with this one tiny spot and the event of my son’s birth and, who knows what else! Do other people cry or do seemingly unrelated things?
One of our deep hip rotator muscles called the obturator internus can be palpated and accessed easily through the vagina. This muscle can be a key site in pelvic pain syndromes due to the close connection with the pudendal nerve. The pudendal nerve is the nerve to the muscles of the pelvic floor. Its course of travel runs right over this hip rotator muscle. Tension in the hip rotators can cause irritation of the nerve, and then pain.
And the crying?
Candace Pert, MD was the first to scientifically prove the biochemical basis of emotions. And these emotions, she found are neuropeptides residing not just in the limbic system, but flow throughout the whole body in the nervous, musculoskeletal, immune and cardiovascular systems.
You experienced an emotional release through the fascial and muscle memory! It’s cool stuff and I witness this in my office on a regular basis. This is normal and very liberating. I applaud anyone who is able to feel safe enough to let the emotional release happen.
So Susan, tell me. How did you get into vaginas? I mean pelvic floor health?
I landed a job as a spine specialist and they asked me if I had any interest in women’s health and I said “Hell Yes!” I started taking courses toward my specialization. When I was an anatomy teacher’s assistant I had a fascination with the sacrum. I felt that it was a powerful bone and I felt that, because the pelvis is the area of our center of mass, that there has to be a lot going on in there. Also, my favorite color is orange, the color of the second chakra, the pelvic area…my fate was set!
Orange is your favorite color? Mine too! I never thought about it like that, although I’ve been fascinated by the pelvis ever since taking anatomy as an undergraduate. Do you think or natural interest in orange pelvises and vaginas is why we get along so well?
That and our high sense of fashion! <—— This is a very funny joke that is probably only funny if you spent a week going through our similar wardrobes of sweats, track pants, yoga pants, and fancy yoga pants for formal occasions.
What do you love the most about women’s health work? What do you wish more people understood about their pelves?
I love that the pelvis is our center. It is the house of our womb and bowels. I would like women and men to feel more comfortable expressing themselves to healthcare workers and friends, so pain and dysfunction doesn’t go on for years.
Also, I wish people understood that their daily habits and movement patterns contribute to pelvic pain and that there is a way out of pain without meds and surgery, through awareness and movement.
I really love that. The solution to chronic pain — pelvic, in this case, but of course, it’s the same for all tissues — is through awareness and movement. Beautiful.
Ok, last question. To be crystal clear, internal work is not just for women, right? Men develop hypertonicity with the same frequency (if not more) than women and it’s a risk factor for not only pelvic pain but prostatitis, ya?
The pelvic floor and the obturator internus are easily accessed through the rectum. I see men in my practice as well. Prostatitis is usually the diagnosis they get from the urologist, when in fact, the painful symptom and urinary dysfunction is caused by the hypertonicity of the pelvic floor and other alignment factors.
YES! Fellas, don’t let your PF tension get out of control. It’s a major contributing factor to issues of the colon and prostate. This post is just as much for you as it is the ladies. (Hi Dad!)
Thanks for your time in answering my questions! If you’re in the SLC area of Utah, you’re lucky to have Susan as a potential therapist. Find more info about her practice, her classes, and her pregnancy/pelvic health workshops here: www.alignintegrationandmovement.com
Now let’s say for a moment that someone with a pelvic floor issue just can’t bring themselves to sign up for internal work yet. Susan and I have each come up with a few tips that can help with habits that create or perpetuate hypertonus. I’ll post those in the next day or so, because this post is too long already!
It is said that you only lose your virginity once, however I disagree. I seem to constantly be loosing my virginity as I learn how to trust deeper, open wider, surrender more and experience greater orgasmic bliss. Being virginal to me has become a true box of chocolate and with each new piece of decant smooth candy I devour, I discover a realm of ecstasy. Holding on to this box of chocolate and refusing to sample each piece would be in my opinion a great regret at the end of my days on this earth. To fear losing my virginity because of the taboo’s or societal pressure that are placed on us seems ridiculous especially after one savors the luscious bliss that most often is accompanied with such adventures.
It has been a few years now since I lost my virginity to vaginal fisting, in all honesty when the event took place I could hardly believe what was happening. My mind rattled with fear, my ego stomped around and told me how this was going to cause me physical harm, make my pussy loose, and above all else was not going to be fun or pleasurable. Certainly allowing this to happen was not a good idea. Of course my perception of fist fucking all came from the little bit of porn that I had watched and what stuck with me was the looks of pain and terror on the women’s faces as these large fisted men would slam their whole hands into their vaginas and then rigorously pump back and forth in a punching manner. It seemed like the more the woman tensed up and appeared hurting the strong and more aggressive the fister would become with their movements. As amazing as it was that a human body could engulf a whole hand and even the jerking and pounding of it internally it certainly did not seem like an act of love, sensualness, intimacy and passion, and certainly not one that would bring about a real orgasm.
But then one early evening this belief was washed away by my lover’s fist and my deep orgasmic bliss.
“Entering the house I knew that something was up. I was unsure as to what, all I knew was that my lover wanted to provide me with a little TLC and a Tantric Session of his creation. As I walked into the room, there before me lay a cushiony bed covered in rose petals, candle lit, a glass of wine and coconut oil warmed. He kissed me gently on the lips, ran his hand through my hair, as a slight tingle went down my spine and my womb and pussy began to hunger for penetration. I wanted to surrender to the session he had planned out for me but also craved more. Slowly he removed my garments, caressing my body with his fingers as he did so, then asked me to lay down on the bed he had prepared. There I lay, naked, revealed, excited, nervous, and a little insecure. He pressed his lips to mine again, and dripped warm oil on my flesh. Gently his hands washed over me, releasing tension I was not even aware I had. Softly he kissed my skin, moving down my neck, across my breasts only to stop for a moment and tease gently my nipples with his tongue. Gently sucking at them until I released a mild moan of delight, only then to carry himself downward, hands and mouth, crossing over my stomach to my pelvic bone. Teasing my inner thighs now, he kissed and massaged, fingers working their way into my velvety warm parlors, lips and tongue pressing into my clit, sucking hungrily for a mini eruption of my bliss to get things really started. My hips wanting to tense, but I relaxed and opened my legs more for him. As he lingered in his oral pleasuring my pussy called out for more of him, in my mind I tossed about the idea of asking him to come into me full force with his hard erection I was certain he had by this time but my tantric teaching taught me to restrict and enjoy just receiving without expectation or demand. To simply remain present with his touch and the sensations that it arose in my being. _
Holding Sacred Space and building trust with me, he asked permission to enter me with a finger, granting it I already knew I wanted was another. Without a word my hunger was fed, he massaged deeper and deeper into me, opening me up, rubbing now on my G-Spot while continuing the clitoral massage he was already giving. I could not help myself, I found myself wanting more and spread myself wider for him, asking with my body for him to penetrate me more fully. I could feel a third finger press itself into my warmth and then a forth. I took a breath. Pressure accumulated at my introidus, I could feel the hunger of my pussy taking over, and I wanted to eat him with her sucking muscles. It was in this moment that I lost my virginity, his thumb moved into me. His whole hand now was pressing into me like the thickest cock I had ever experienced. He paused to let me catch up to what was happening. My mind was lost in a sea of feelings and emotions. _
‘What was happening? Was it okay, safe? Did he know what he was doing? What was to come next?”
Oh, fuck it! Was my only answer. It felt divine. The pressure that was building even though at first a tad uncomfortable I discovered was dwindling and was being replaced with increased sensations deep in my core. I could feel his every movement, the pulse of my own heartbeat seemed to now be strong and speaking loudly for what it desired. I could feel him tighten his clench and then loosen again, then twist gently and open. Fingers now all inside me, dancing with pressure on my G-spot, touching my cervix, and finally when I could no longer bare the teasing began to slowly thrust in me. His rhythm moving with my breath, with my muscle contractions. I knew he could feel me like no other time before, I felt so closely connected to him, we had merged in this moment and my back arched, my breath released in a long intense moan as my hips widened and my pussy clenched down tightly on his fist while my whole body moved to press down begging him to penetrate me deeper, deeper and yet deeper. I wanted to feel him touch my heart and clench my soul as my body quivered and convulsed in the most powerful, enlightening bliss that I never could have believed would be possible.”
Thank heavens for the loss of virginity. When I revel in the memory of my first time a slight smile crosses my lips and my heart expands while my pussy connects to the moment and gets wetter with the remnant sensations. Of course I find myself wanting to play with his fist again right then in the moment and perhaps exploring some more virginity losses with some fantasy play that now lingers in my mind, soul and sex. Oh the things we could do and the enjoyment we could have with such a delight as vaginal fist fucking….
And to imagine that all this was possibly the best sexing and most intimate fucking I had ever had all the while it was nothing like what I expected or what was shown in porn. This was not an act of him having power over me and being a forceful taker of my body and sex, it was about him penetrating me so vastly and fully that we became one in love. Empowering each other with each heart beat and orgasmic rapture. This was indeed a sacred moment. A Sacred Fist Fuck!
“At the back of the womb there lay flesh that demanded to be penetrated. it curved inwards, opening to suck. The flesh walls moved like a sea anemones, seeking by suction to draw his sex in… She opened her mouth as if to reveal the openness of the womb, its hunger, and only then did he plunge to the very bottom and felt her contractions…” – Anais Nin, Delta of Venus
I don’t know about you but if you are a woman and you read this quote I hope it make’s your pussy contract the way it does mine. As my eyes linger across each word of Nin’s I can feel the rapture of turn on in my body. My mouth dampens as does my pussy, deep contractions start to form in it’s velvety walls. My clit pulses with anticipation and hope to soon be sucked as my cervix screams in her own language, YES, YES. Even my breasts feel more engorged with each breath while reading.
If you feel little to nothing from reading those words then perhaps you are one in the ever growing field of women in our western world that suffers from hypoactive sexual desire disorder. And this ladies, is a REAL issue.
Gentlemen, if your reading this and you are thinking:
“Damn, I want to make a woman open to me like that.” or
“What the heck is she speaking of? penetrating the womb? what?”
The above quote is referring to a cervical orgasm where yes your finger or cock may actually, safely and pleasurably for both parties penetrate the cervix. David Deida refers to it as a cervical kiss on the head of your penis.
Sadly this can only be accomplished if a woman is properly stimulated, relaxed, trusting and full of desire. Many women in today’s world and time just are none of the above, while many men of today’s time do not know how to get the ladies in their life to this state of luscious being and do not have the sexual education outside of porn to achieve these results that will keep a woman in orgasmic bliss for hours and sometimes even days. The high and release that a woman get’s from this experience DOES indeed carry her for a long time and is something that she will never forget.
This sort of orgasm is not achieved by how “big” a man is.
It is not achieved by how long you have known each other or been dating.
It is not achieved by hours of thrusting and grinding away.
It is not achieved by how tight a woman is or if she has ever had a vaginal orgasm or G-spot orgasm.
The main key to this orgasm is preparation!
As with anything that is worth it’s weight in gold and let me tell you a cervical orgasm is worth 10 kingdom’s of gold in my opinion, one must prepare the grounds to be fertile and have patience, understanding and flexibility. Both parties must be willing to take it slow, check in constantly and remain as open as possible.
So how do you “Stoke the fire” in tantric terms?
This can be a difficult feat in today’s world. With anywhere from 27-34% of women (that is more than double of the male %) experiencing low sexual desire and because women are feeling an all time low in sexual function and desire they are looking at men with pointed finger’s saying, ” You are a sex addict and have a problem.”
Our sexual education in society is limited to put it kindly and tainted by shame, embarrassment and fear. In general we the people are scared to get our f**k on!
Especially we women.
Women are built to be f*ked, we are designed to be f*ked open deeply by our men. Our pussies once re-opened to the pleasure, energy, healing and joy of orgasm are insatiable.
It is high time that we wake up and realize that what we think we know about female arousal and sexuality is simply out of date. Women NEED sex. A healthy woman want’s sex and enjoy’s it, deeply. She eagerly opens into the raptures of orgasm and she goes deeper then her clit can take her from a few moments stimulation. She understands that through her sexing she can heal the trauma of her vagina and overcome such epidemic issue’s as: depression, weight-gain, irritability, irregular menstrual cycle’s, fatigue, chronic migraine’s and headache, stress related issues, lack of clarity and instead boost her immune system and become a creative muse full of desire, direction, love, forgiveness, passion, and empathy.
A woman empowered through her sexing is a beautiful and rare bird to see. She is an angel not afraid to soar to the highest of highs and fully reveal herself to her lover. She is equally comfortable in walking through the fire’s of life vulnerably without being a victim.
She is radiant! Her fire is stoked.
Picture by kotaku.com
Body armoring is a process whereby past traumatic experiences are stored in the body’s muscle tissues. What happens is that the body’s tissues harden, creating tension and blocking energy in the area that has been traumatized. By armoring itself, the body’s intention is to reduce its vulnerability to pain. But this process has the parallel effect of reducing our capacity for feeling pleasure.
In this regard the male and female sex organs are as prone to armoring as the rest of the body and can function at a reduced level of sensitivity. In fact, because the sexual organs have been subjected to vigorous condemnation from childhood onward, the genital area has become a major storehouse of negative imprints, greatly reducing our capacity for sexual pleasure and preventing full enjoyment of orgasmic release. Think about it for a moment. Traces of the emotional content of every unsatisfactory sexual experience have been recorded in the muscular tissues of your genitals, building up tension in the area so slowly that you did not even suspect that it was happening.
In men, circumcision, early experiences of guilt and fear associated with masturbation, clumsy prostatic examinations, and a compulsion to demonstrate “masculinity” by being forceful and thrusting in lovemaking all contribute to genital armoring. This armoring can manifest itself as a hardening of the penis, causing penile insensitivity that requires extremely strong stimulation in order to achieve arousal or, by contrast, it can result in an oversensitivity and fragility of the foreskin that translates into the attitude, “Don’t touch me!” Armoring in men also manifests itself in the form of chronic tension in the anal sphincter muscles, involuntary erections, and an attitude of sexual greed – the need for repeated genital stimulation.
In women, armoring can be caused by guilty masturbation, forceful male fingering, sexual intercourse without sufficient foreplay, making love when you don’t feel like it, failing to reach orgasm, having an abortion, or undergoing a caesarean birth or a hysterectomy. These contribute to the build-up of insensitivity in tissues around the vagina and pelvis. This tension manifests itself most commonly as a subtle tightness or stiffness in a vagina that never fully relaxes, even during intercourse. As a result, it is only narrowly receptive to the male organ.
Through working with many women, I have been able to create an “armoring map” of the vagina, showing how certain types of fears are related to specific areas of the female sex organs.
• Vaginal lips: fear of opening, shame, desire to hide, a feeling of “l can’t do this!”
• Clitoris: nervousness, distrust, impatience, holding tight, like clenching your fists or teeth when you don’t want to express your anger
• Perineum and perineal sponge: difficulty letting go into pleasure, numbness
•G spot: sexual frustration as a result of faking orgasm, performance anxiety, feeling inadequate, pushing for orgasm and not getting it
•Vagina canal around cervix: anger, expecting the worst, neediness, feeling like a victim, abortions, and childbirth traumas
If you are not sure whether genital armoring applies to you, try answering these questions. Think about them slowly rather than giving a reflex response:
Women: Were you forced into sexual intercourse or sexual manipulation at an early age, before you were ready?
Have you ever made love because your partner was turned on, even though you didn’t feel like it?
Have you ever felt your partner left you “hanging in mid-air” while he was already “over the edge”?
Have you ever faked an orgasm?
Men: Have you ever made love as a performance, even though you had no enthusiasm for it?
Have you ever found yourself so busy giving pleasure to your woman that you forgot about your own pleasure?
Both: During sex have you ever found to your dismay that you couldn’t feel anything “down there”?
Have you ever made love as way of avoiding confrontation with your partner or covering up your anger?
Have you ever believed that everyone else was sexual and orgasmic, while you were lagging way behind, feeling just a trickle of a sensation?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably have some body armoring in your genitals. This armoring also translates into psychological attitudes -for instance, feeling uncomfortable talking about your sexuality or your genitals, or feeling discomfort when your lover examines your genitals. Working with hundreds of people, I have found that armoring seriously inhibits sexual sensitivity and therefore blocks deeper pleasure. I have also found that it is difficult for people to be open to the ecstasy of High Sex until the whole genital and anal area has been cleaned of imprints left by negative sexual experiences. Only through direct, hands-on, loving massage around and inside the genital area can we effectively heal these past wounds and transform pain into, pleasure. To do this we need to direct our full attention and acceptance to the way our genitals feel.
When the penis is healed, it becomes flexible, warm, and vibrantly alive when erect. In addition to the stimulation provided by vigorous sexual intercourse, this increased sensitivity enables the man to receive pleasure by resting his penis in the vagina in a gentle, relaxed, non-demanding way. Prior to healing, he may not have been able to feel anything without continued stimulation.
When the vagina is healed, it becomes naturally yielding, soft, and welcoming, allowing a sense of trust and playfulness in lovemaking. The vaginal muscles are elastic and respond to the penis by massaging it naturally.
Love and acceptance are the key ingredients for healing. That is why we need to understand the meaning of loving ourselves and our bodies before we can even think of making love with another person. Only then are we fully ready and available for the joys of ecstatic lovemaking.
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As I sat there listening to her story, watching the emotions cross over her face I could feel her pain, I found myself wanting to just embrace her and tell her that everything would be okay, but that was the protective mama bear in me. Instead I chose to be honest and share the facts, “Sounds like you need to be properly f-ked my dear,” is what I responded. She looked at me and said, “What?” I restated it, “It sounds like you need to be properly f-ked, I don’t mean go have sex, just some junk food sex, I mean you need some gourmet, yummie, fulfilling f-king. You need an orgasm that fills your whole body.” She looked at me a bit taken back and then responded with,”Oh I just had sex, I had an orgasm, a good one. It was very good.”
“But was it fulfilling and gourmet?”
“Yes, yes I think it was. Maybe it was not exactly as gourmet as you are speaking of, but it was awesome.”
“Did it fill your whole body with rapture? Were you tingly and full of energy for days to come or did you grow tired and the orgasmic feeling passed through you within a few hours?”
A confused look came upon her face.
Here is the problem: this world is suffering from the majority of women not having real orgasms, shit most women don’t even have orgasms at all, they fake them, they hide out in their minds and they grow bitter toward life. Those who do have an orgasm normally rely on a clitorial quick fix or tighten their bodies up so much during an orgasm that it is short lived and never fills their whole being; body, heart and soul. They lack the orgasmic rapture that they need. Orgasm is mandatory for a woman to live an abundant, happy, healthy, full life. And not just any old orgasm will do this. The deeper, more penetrating an orgasm, the more life and creative energy, love and surrender a woman will bring to the world. To you.
When her emotions become muted and she is closed, lacking expression toward life she is close to running on empty in her orgasmic bank account. When she is overly hateful or stuck in depression, full of what seems to be crazy hormonal ups and downs she is lacking in her orgasmic bank account. When she lays down and has sex but is indifferent to what happens in the bedroom or cannot share her desires, her boundaries and her fears she is lacking in her orgasmic bank account and this is where the trouble resides. Worse yet, she won’t tell you the truth about what is going on because she herself does not understand. Even if she has a clue her voice will be seized by the darkness of her pussy frustration and her ego will have hold of her so strongly that she won’t be capable of vocalizing the unspeakable to you. That unspeakable being that she needs to be f-ked wide open by a man that can penetrate not only her flesh but her heart and soul. She needs his strength, his firmness, his masculine energy to be unleashed in her at a cellular level and TAKE her beyond the point of no return and right into the heavens of rapture. Only at this level can she trust her man and allow herself once again to be seen.
As Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex states, “Running on empty is not what you want your woman to be, unless you like irritability, impatience, hypersensitivity, and for everything to be your fault. Because in the space between what she asks for and what she really wants, resentment will begin to fester. And you, sir, will be the one she blames.
“Find out what she is hungry for, and give it to her. Never accept her first answer. Ask again. And again. Make it a part of your game plan to prod and push until she releases what she is withholding and her desire comes flying out. At first, her desire might sound like anger. She may need to blow off steam. Don’t take it personally, even if she says hurtful things.
“Keep asking until you feel her true desire release. You will feel it in your body when she finally lets go. Regardless of how much resistance she has, don’t stop asking until you feel it. You are helping her unravel a lifetime of conditioning – old beliefs and habits and rules that are suffocating the bright, lovely, sexy woman within.
“That’s the woman you want to be with. So if you have to ask all night, ask all night. You’ll know it when she finally speaks her desire because you will be able to feel it, landing with a satisfying *thunk in your body.
“Then give it to her, and you’ll be giving her the thing she never thought she could get: not just the desire, but approval for having the desire at all. ”
What Nicole is stating here is the powerful truth and it is hard to understand for many men because men have the ability to state what they need or want clearly most of the time. Men have also been raised differently then women and do not have the same shame placed upon them for wanting or needing sex. It is expected that a man craves, thinks about and will ask for sex. It is common thought in many marriages and in society that it is the woman’s place “to make sure to keep her man happy, else he will surely stray and find it somewhere else” but for a woman to be open about her cravings labels her a whore or slut. Even if we are not aware of this low grade consciousness and believe ourselves to be above this sort of thinking, the consciousness and programs still exist for all of us. They lay there in the covers of darkness within our psyche and if we are women they make themselves known pretty quickly as soon as we face our undernourished needs.
So gentlemen or those in the masculine role of the relationship, never stop asking your woman what she desires. Never stop inquiring about her deep hungers. Dig in her cavern and find the treasures she has hidden there, tell her frequently that you love her, that she is your babe, your special lady, your love. Touch her often and playfully and set aside time to REALLY be with her. This is not meaning a movie and dinner or even snuggle time on the couch, this means eye to eye, deep focused communication time. Communicate your love with words, looks and touch and ALWAYS keep asking. She will open to you.
It’s time to get to know the most pleasurable part of your body once and for all.
You know that saying, “I don’t know art, but I know what I like”? Well, that pretty much sums up the clitoris for me. I don’t fully comprehend it, and honestly, I don’t try to dive too deep into its complexities. I just appreciate it, and as such, want it displayed prominently, highly revered, and ideally touched up regularly with some powerful brush strokes (preferably clockwise).
This week, however, just happens to be International Clitoris Awareness Week (seriously, this is an actual thing!) So to properly celebrate, we’re schooling you on the things you probably — no, definitely — never knew about the mythical clitoris (aka the only part of the body designed solely to get you off).
And remember, masterpiece means orgasm here. So, yeah, listen up.
1. The word “clitoris” is derived from the Greek word for “key”. As in key to your heart, or probably more accurate, the key to the city as it can certainly open lots of doors.
2. Thought you knew where your clitoris was? Nope, it’s not just that little button (the glans, if we’re being scientific). It’s actually within the pelvis — extending deep within you. Don’t believe me? See a diagram from the Museum Of Sex here.
3. Like a fine wine, your clitoris gets better with age. It’s reported that the clitoris starts growing upon puberty, and is almost quadruple in size by the time you reach early 30s; by menopause, seven times its size. That whole “why old people allegedly get it on a lot” theory is suddenly becoming crystal clear.
4. There are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris. 8,000! Sorta makes you wonder about the guys who can’t get you off, amiright?
5. It’s got some penis personality. Although they couldn’t physically look any more different, there are a few striking similarities in their make-up including erectile tissue, foreskin and even a shaft. Oh, and the clitoris also grows when aroused, it just doesn’t prop through our pants when the wind hits it right (or, not that you can see anyway.) Religious or not, that deserves an Amen.
The elusive female orgasm, what is it and how many types are there? For many years and still in some views women don’t have orgasms. EVER! Yet the majority of the world has come to the reality that like men, women are sexual beings whom enjoy orgasms. Matter a fact women are blessed with the ability to have multiple orgasms (waves) and it is uncertain as to just how many types of orgasm a woman can actually experience. I am going to cover the three main types of female orgasm here and give a brief summary of the other eight that are most taught in Tantric Therapy. As well as a peek at the two most powerful Orgasms that are highly sought after and needed for female health.
In today’s time many women claim not to have vaginal orgasms and this is very possible because of the blocked trauma that is preventing them of doing such. However ALL women are able to have vaginal orgasms once their physical, mental and emotional bodies are healed and united. Indeed, this type of orgasm can be tricky to achieve. For multiple reasons, one being, the vagina is not exactly optimally designed for maximum orgasmic potential — most of the sensations are felt in the first (outer) third of the vagina. Unlike a man’s penis that is sensitive all over the shaft area the internal cavities of the vagina are not. Unless proper healing and body/mind/emotion connection has been harmonized allowing for optimum sensation on the walls of the vagina. Experts and researchers such as Barbara Keesling have discussed the pleasure potential of the “cul-de-sac” — an area at the back of the vaginal canal, just behind where the cervix enters the vagina. Women can experience very intense orgasms with stimulation here. Some refer to this as “the X-spot. This area of the vagina near and on the cervix is very sensitive for the majority of women. However some are “numb” at the cervix area. Any woman who has had her lover press deep into her and push on her cervix most likely knows what this can feel like. For most women that have experienced some sort of traumatic, emotional experience(s) in their lifetime however, this feeling may not be pleasurable AT ALL. Instead it may feel like a dagger and the pain from the pressure may well up tears, cause instant anger, fear, anxiety and indeed a longing to stop whatever sexing is happening in that moment. Weather a woman feels this sort of pain or numbness while having the cervix massaged does not matter other then it shows that there is great healing of the cervix that needs to happen. Once a cervix is healthy and these negative traumatic blockages are released from the cellular tissue, a woman can experience endless, powerful, full body orgasms. The orgasms that come from the cervix are like no other, they carry with them a depth of soul, emotion and physical power that it is hard to describe. One must experience to understand.
Fact: In actuality, when most people talk about a vaginal orgasm, they are more specifically referring to a G-Spot orgasm.
For something so small, the G-spot has certainly managed to make its way to center stage in woman’s sexuality — and as with anything that is in the lime light it has stirred up more than its share of controversy. Some people don’t believe it exists at all, while others swear by its ability to produce unparalleled pleasure.
The G-Spot is a small area within the upper wall of the vagina, about one to two inches from the opening. With insertion of a finger you may feel this small area that has a rougher, almost chicken skin texture on the outer skin feel to it just past the urethral sponge. To assist you in finding it you can press with the inserted finger upward while connecting your thumb to the clitoris and acting as though you are pressing the two fingers together. Not all G-spots are in the exact same location however, somewhere within this region you will discover with present soft touching the G-spot. When a partner is looking for this spot pay close attention to your lover, she will certainly feel when you press on it. Some women have the ability to reach orgasm through direct stimulation of the G-Spot or gentle massage of the area. When the G-Spot is stimulated, the woman will often feel as if she has the urge to urinate. And, in fact, during a G-Spot orgasm, many women will mistakenly believe they have accidentally urinated. This is because a G-Spot orgasm is notable because it is usually accompanied by a lot of fluid. This is generally referred to as “female ejaculation.” Yet, the fluid is released from the urethral sponge area. When the G-spot is being massaged the sponge normally is massaged as well. Both of these areas can start out very small and even hard to find in some women, but once stimulated they can expand and grow to taking up a much larger part of the internal vaginal wall.
The same applies to the G-spot that was mentioned with cervix. When a woman has experienced traumatic experiences in her life time, may that be sexual abuse, abandonment, deep fears, loss of loved ones, physical/mental abuse, child birth or other events that can cause trauma to lock up in the cellular tissues, the G-spot as well as the Urethral sponge, cervix and/or clitoris can become overly sensitive and painful to the touch or dull and numb. Either of these reactions is a sign of needed healing and release of these stored traumas.
Once healed properly this elusive yet magical place in a woman’s body can bring great pleasure and fulfillment in lovemaking.
The clitoral orgasm is generally viewed as the easiest type of orgasm for a woman to achieve which is why it’s the fixation of both men and women in “getting her, her’s first” idea. Some women also deem it the most pleasurable, but other women who experience G-spot orgasm, cervical, or whole-body orgasm may disagree with that. In fact, many women believe that they are unable to achieve orgasm unless the clitoris is stimulated, even if this occurs only indirectly by way of friction from intercourse. However, this is often because, with most sexual encounters, women don’t get enough time to awaken their vaginas and the sensitive spots internally to experience orgasm through stimulation of them. If lovemaking was slowed down and extended long enough too really, REALLY arouse a woman before penetration, it is a safe to say that lots more women would be experiencing more than clitoral orgasm. As well as the healing needed that has been covered in other orgasm types. This too is the case with the clitoris. It is important to note that the clit can become over sensitive very easily and once this happens pleasure quickly becomes irritation and pain, killing a women’s hunger for sex. Similar to the tip of a man’s penis the clitoris can become desensitized as well. This happens from too much extended massaging or friction. Many women and men have been programmed to believe that rough is good on the clit, yet as with the case for everything, each woman’s clit is different. Not just different from other women but different in sensation moment to moment. It’s important to pay close attention and keep open communication flowing when in all of your sexing.
Even in self-pleasuring the majority of women focus on clitoral stimulation as to bring themselves to orgasm because they have learned that this is often the quickest and most effective route. However, the speed training of the body to expand into orgasm is not allowing for full sexuality to unfold and the liberation that can be experienced through orgasm is side stepped because we have lost an appreciation for slow, deep loving and sexing in our lives. Causing the majority of the relationship, emotional, and even psychological issues that many deal with today. This quick to orgasm societal habit that has formed contributes to anxiety, stress, depression, poor health and blocked trauma.
This orgasm is achieved by stimulating a small spot which contains sensitive erectile tissue directly above and on either side of the urethral opening.
To achieve orgasm here and heighten all sexual stimulation insert a single finger into the anal canal by about ½ to 1 inch, no deeper than your first knuckle. Then gently press this finger against a finger or two that has been inserted into the vagina at the same distance, begin gentle massaging while pressing these two areas together. Some women do enjoy full penetration anally, orgasm can achieved this way if a woman is first sexually stimulated and fully relaxed. She must trust her partner deeply so that her body can move past the initale discomfort and into the pleasure. Anal sexing is a slow moving, deeply emotional event and must be regarded with honor and care as to not further cause any trauma to the woman.
This orgasm is achieved by stimulating about ¾ of an inch deep in the front wall of the vagina. This area of the vagina is extremely sensitive and as blood rushes to it it becomes even more so. Often this area is over looked because penetration happens so quickly.
Deep Spot Orgasm
This area is located deep in the vagina just before the cervix. It is the deepest back wall of the vagina. This area may be numb or over sensitive if a woman has block trauma however. Massaging of this area and clearing at the cellular level can help induce powerful orgasms.
Some woman can reach orgasm by the stimulation of their breasts. Soft sensual touching, kissing, pinching and even a nursing action can bring some women to orgasm and is a great way to increase pleasure in foreplay or lovemaking. But again, watch for over stimulation.
Some women are extremely sensitive in their mouths can achieve orgasm while kissing or receiving/giving oral sex. The extra saliva formation that happens as arousal kicks up adds to the sensitive internal areas of the mouth as well as the lips. The direct mental link between mouth and genitals can be intense for some.
Some women can reach orgasm at the touch of their skin. Perhaps this is good reason many ancient sexual practices focus on massage and bodywork.
Some women can reach orgasm during auditory or visual stimulation, such as watching a movie, reading erotic literature or watching others having sex. This orgasm happens without any physical stimulation.
Two other BIG Orgasm Types for women that SHOULD NOT go unspoken of are Full Body and Emotional Orgasms. Both of these happen from a blending of the above mentioned orgasms and can only be achieved if sex is approached from a slow fashion and certain levels of healing has happened allowing for a woman to open into herself and trust in her partner to level needed that the orgasmic energy can dance throughout her chakra system and manifest as a full body or emotional orgasm.