MUST DO’S FOR SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP: ROUTINE, RITUAL & NON-NEGOTIABLE BOUNDARIES

🤣🤣😂I LOVE YOUR PUD IN MY PUTSCH! AND I LOVE WEDNESDAYS…🤨😂😅

 

Wednesdays are sacred for my man and I.

It’s the day that we both have committed to work from home.

We eat breakfast together, lunch and dinner.

We work from the same room.

We work in silence.

We do our meetings.

We look upon each other in appreciation.

We make love.

We f-ck!

We take walks.

We snuggle.

We laugh, we debate, we get real and vulnerable.

And above all else we CONNECT.

 

👊It’s our ROUTINE.

👊It’s our RITUAL.

👊It’s what we have set a non-negotiable BOUNDARY around.

 

🤯And it’s freaking critical to the success, happiness, intimacy, and connection of our relationship.

 

Maybe we should start calling them sexy Wedsnesdays, because we take hump day serious…lol

 

But not always.

Some Wednesdays we are so disconnected from the stresses of life, we look at each other as though we are on opposite sides of the Grand Canyon. But we still remain together, holding that space, providing an opportunity for our energies to reconnect.

 

Some Wednesdays, we are on sour terms between us.

Days of disconnect, disharmony in what we were wanting the other to know, understand, get about us.

Our requests have been formulated as criticism and fears, and we find ourselves on these Wednesdays going deeper into our wounds.

 

However, most Wednesdays are yummy.

🔥Juicy and hot.

🔥Tantalizing and fulfilling beyond measure.

🔥Our sex is reunited and fed to exhaustion.

🔥Our hearts are swelling in a sea of love, appreciation and acceptance.

🔥Our minds are united, we are aligned.

 

And it feels F-CKING AMAZING AND PERFECT!

 

You see the reality is and as I share with so many couples on the matter of relationship success, happiness and connection that routine, ritual and boundaries are mandatory.

 

Often we believe that a relationship should just happen, it should always be easy and effortless.

 

But a relationship like anything worthwhile in life requires our focus, attention and effort.

 

In order to have success (which does not mean longevity but satisfaction and happiness, which in turn will create longevity) you must be willing to develop sacred space.

 

You must make commitment, non-negotiable.

And our commitment to our partner must be a priority.

 

The issue is that more often than not in today’s relationships, we give our best to our work, our hobbies, our passions, our children.

And we bring our partner what’s leftover.

 

We say the cruelest of things to the one we love the most.

We blame, we finger point, we give our worst to our partner.

And we do this because we can get away with it.

No where else would it be accepted or allowed.

But this creates bitterness.

It feeds fear.

In a relationship, we end up criticizing our mates, seeing only what is wrong with them and what they are not doing for us and the relationship and it is based on the desire to have more of them.

 

👊WE DESIRE OUR PARTNERS BEST TOO!👊

 

We are afraid to ask for it and don’t know how.

But when we criticize THIS is what we are actually saying.

 

When we make everything else a priority, we put our hearts and our partners on the back burner.

 

We can have moments in life when we have to do this for sure.

Just like we can certainly have times when our worst self takes center stage with  our partner and we find ourselves acting out our worst fears and wounds.

In these times we create an opportunity for our partner to support us and see us as we see ourselves sometimes.

We build intimacy through our wounds and fears.

 

But if we allow these times to become routine,

we allow dis-harmony and dis-connection to become what our relationship is founded in.

 

👊All relationship has its rhythm. 👊

 

It’s always:

Harmony 🔥Dis-harmony😔Repair🧐

Connection 🔥 Dis-connection😔Repair🧐

 

You cannot have magic all the time!

You cannot be turned on all the time!

You will never feel aligned and connected all the time!

You will have pain and suffering.

You will have joy and triumph.

 

You MUST COMMIT to the repair portion.

 

This means that you make your priority relationship with your partner a priority.

 

👊👊Your commitment to the relationship and to finding happiness for “the entity of us” in the relationship making it a must be non-negotiable. 👊👊

 

This is the routine.

The ritual.

The boundary.

 

If you are wanting to feel aligned to your partner, to restore intimacy, connection and recapture the honeymoon phase, then find your Wednesday.

 

For my man and I, we have our daily morning routine of waking, snuggling, inquiring how we each slept, what our feelings at waking are while we enjoy coffee.

 

We reach out to each other all day long, just sharing here and there about what’s going on and inquiring how the other is doing.

 

We then faithfully come together each early evening for our “sipper” or glass of wine. We stop everything else. We kiss. We touch, We talk for an hour and we catch up with what’s happened in each other’s lives.

 

This is our daily routine.

 

Then we dedicate ourselves to Wednesdays.

 

And from this we move smoothly through the storms of life and relationships.

We still ebb and flow in our connection, but we never allow dis-connect to become the “entity of us.”

 

We desire each other more because of these rituals and routines.

We feel safer with each other and that we have each other’s backs because we have established a non-negotiable boundary around the “repair” which is based in our routines and rituals.

 

👊🧐🔥And for anyone reading this musing today,

I ask you to explore what you are doing to connect, to find harmony, to make the “entity of us,” the priority relationship that you once desired it to be?👊🧐🔥

 

Hopefully you have found something in my words here to help you.

Know that a relationship requires commitment.

It requires time, dedication, and focus.

If you are wanting for the yummy, juicy moments…

the magic…

Then you have to build the foundation for those moments.

That requires effort and desire.

 

That requires you to want to water the plant you want to grow. 🌹

 

As Always,

Stop Accepting Average and Ordinary in Your Love Life and Relationship.

 

If you want that Soulmate Relationship, that love that explodes your heart and connects you to the heavens, then let’s get you aligned today!

 

Reach out to me about deet’s for my new 💥💥Autumn Session of The Magic Minute! 💥💥

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

😂🤣And before you ask about the pud in my putch comment above, that was yesterday’s convo… humorous events happen on Wednesdays. I had no idea what pud meant ( I know hard to believe perhaps, and I used the word putsch when we were going to bed, ” You putsched your pillow in my face.”🤣 because his pillow hit me in the face while he was fluffing it…lol and we had to then look up the word because we were uncertain if it was a real word… it is! and it means p*ssy. So there is my title and intimacy  share with you dear reader. 😂😅

WHAT MAKES A MAN BEAUTIFUL…

🌹MY MAN IS BEAUTIFUL AND I TELL HIM ALL THE TIME…🌹

 

I recall the first time I told my man that he was beautiful, he looked at me and cocked his head to the side and said, “Huh?” with a smirk on his face of love as he allowed himself to absorb what I had said.

 

I just looked at him softly and said it again,

“You are beautiful.”

 

With the second time his eyes became glossy,

his skin started to radiate a golden glow,

there was a light that came from him,

that was there but was expanded as he felt the love between us and the love in his own heart that he constituted for love that he had for me.

 

And true as that was, this love that was bringing forth emotion of great mass to his eyes as I could watch his heart flutter and stir with  his desire and passion, this love was more for himself than for me.

 

It is his love of himself that allows him to love me so deeply.

It is his acceptance of self that allows him to accept me fully.

It is his desire for health, for stability, and alignment in life, with soul and source that allows him to achieve these things with me and co-create a mature unconditional loving relationship like none I have ever experienced before.

It is his passion to live, to embrace all of life and enjoy its sweetest delicate moments that allows him to see those moments that are often missed in relationships in our commitment to each other.

 

👊👊👊HE LEADS. 👊👊👊

 

He leads our relationship just as if we were on the dance floor of life.

 

For you see, the feminine cannot lead.

The feminine in our greatest power must flow,

must be fluid and able to twirt through life in creativity.

Our purpose at our core as women in creation.

 

We are master creators.

Master manifestors.

Life births through us. 👼

And with it all the blessings that a sacred union can ever hope for.

But these blessings are not possible if the masculine  is not certain in who he is at his core nor what his direction is.

 

I relate a lot to the dance floor.

💃Especially ballroom dancing. 💃

 

I believe that any woman that believes  that she should be leading the relationship and is irritated at her man being the leader needs to do a few things…

 

👉Ask herself why she is with him if she does not support his agenda?

👉Ask herself if she trusts him and if not why?

👉 Inquire deeper to find out within herself who she believes should hold the greatest power in the relationship?

👉Ask herself if she wants to co-create the relationship and if so what does that actually look and feel like to her?

 

 

🌹🌹🌹 And depending on what she comes up with from these prompts, if she wants to make the relationship last forever and go deeper in love and trust, then to ask her man to go ballroom dancing or take lessons. 🌹🌹🌹

 

A few years back I was taking ballroom dancing,

and I was shocked at how horrible a lead so many men were.

It was quite sad in truth.

 

As I danced (and mind you I am far from a good dancer in my opinion) I noticed that many men would be too soft with me. They were scared almost to really take the lead and be firm in their stance. They could not hold the container nor pull me back into them. Causing my flow to  be greatly disrupted.

I found that I was stumbling, missing many dance positions, did not feel safe to sway and did not feel held in the chasses.

 

AND THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO EFFING WAY THAT I COULD SURRENDER TO THESE MEN DIPPING  ME !

 

Why?

Simple….

 

I could not trust them.

A strong feminine cannot truly lean and trust a weak masculine.

In order for a woman to surrender her heart to man she must trust him and trust in his leadership or she will not be able to surrender.

 

TRUST COMES FROM RESPECT.

 

It is based in respect that it is.

And who can respect wishy-washy?

 

Well most certainly not the feminine.

Many women attempt to “fall” for these soft men,

but they do so because they themselves are dominant in the masculine and all relationships depend on polarities.

Someone must be true north and someone must be true south.

 

Masculine and feminine.

Yin and yang.

 

Often in modern day relationships, we see more the feminine acting in the leadership role and wondering why they are so harsh, lost, discontented, aloof and unorgasmic.

 

This happens because their man is soft.

he cannot lead because he himself does not  know how,

is afraid to step up and do so,

AND because  often she will not allow him to.

 

Believing that by handing over the leadership reigns to her man that she gives up power instead of understanding the harmonic balance of yin and yang and how this is co-creation of their relationship where they each support one another through their own unique organic strengths as man and woman.

 

A man who can lead is beautiful

 

A man that can feel into his heart and lead from this space is radiant.

 

When I look into the eyes of my man and I see all his love for himself,

for me and our life that we build each day together,

I marvel at his brilliance.

 

He allows me to feel how deeply he wants to be with me.

How intensely he wants the best for our life, our union.

He shows me in his look of surrender to me through his leadership that I can trust him, he is certain in his boundaries, his direction is clear and he knows what he wants.

 

I can trust this. 

 

I can trust him because he is this strong leader.

And he acts out of a deep divine love that he lets me see in tender moments when his heart erupts with great intensity.

 

I can trust him, because I choose to surrender to his leadership and let him conquer me so that we can rule our world together.

 

He chose me for this very reason.

And I him.

 

I ask you today, reader of this page…

 

Are you ready to surrender to love and step away from the blindness based in fear of losing power by uniting with your soulmate?

 

Will you keep fighting to me the masculine my sweet woman and wake each morning wanting to ravished but scared of losing your power in allowing it to happen?

 

If you are a woman who wants depth, connection, commitment and that soulmate union but has not found it and fears losing herself in the wrong man, then reach out to me beautiful..

 

Let’s do the deep dive into who you are and what you want so that you can once and for all align and call in the man of your dreams.

 

Message me today.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

A WOMAN’S WORTH…

A WOMAN’S WORTH…

 

Today I woke feeling pathetic, unworthy, as though I have no value to this thing called life. 

I sat here this morning over breakfast doing the thing that I possibly detest the most…

Telling my partner my fears, sharing my anxiety, telling him how he deserves a better partner, how woeful I felt I was and that life did not want to accept me for me. 

I quickly came up with many ideas as to why I was in this state of being from my hormones to a mid life crisis and everything in between, however as the day progresses and I reach out to my mentor to see what insight she might have for me I come back into terms with that everything is just as it is supposed to be as scared as I might feel in the moment. 

 

You see I am in transition. 

I am dieing. 

I know that in the next year of my existence here on earth that everything that I currently know, everything that I currently am, my business, my home, my relationship, my goals will even be transformed. 

 

I feel like Schrodinger’s cat.

Am I dead?

Am I alive?

IDK. 

 

In the midst of this transition I have lost myself in so many ways. 

And as I lose who I once was in all areas of my life, I stand here questioning what will become of ME? 

 

It is so easy to just lean into what the world tells me I “should” or “need” do and be. 

I have done that for years in different ways, and every time I do, sure I learn, I expand, I have success to some degree, but I never feel that unbounded love and appreciation for my life nor for self unless I basically give the middle finger to what society is telling me and JUST DO ME. 

 

Doing me take courage, however. 

Doing me requires that I look past all my fear and failure. 

Doing me means  that I stop worrying and start trusting at a deeper level than what I can even imagine possible. 

To actually KNOW that I am supported and that everything is going my way even though I don’t think so at this current moment. 

 

The THING that I have come to realize over this time of death and rebirth is that we women face some serious struggles around our worth. 

 

What makes us worthy in today’s world?

I scroll through my social media and I see beautiful, strong, intelligent and talented women leaning in on all their feminine magic of the physical. I see women whose messages are powerful, flaunting a little extra cleavage, doing yoga in their g-strings, taking pictures with sultry eyes in bed and so much more. 

 

I hear other talented brilliant women talking about how they need to get married and have a kid so they can have importance in this world. 

To be taken seriously even. 

I see women, striving to look younger and older, depending on what they perceive as desirable. 

Many women turn toward their pocket books, their savings and investments to prove that they are worthy of something more than what they have. 

 

The house. 

The car. 

The money in the bank. 

The marriage. 

The kids. 

The body. 

How orgasmic she is.

Her youthfulness. 

Her wisdom. 

Her education level. 

What  her career is. 

Where she has traveled.

What she does for her community and church or family.

 

These things are ALL what we women of today strive to be 1000% in. 

And somehow we try to do it alone. 

We believe that it is up to us. 

That we have to make it happen or we are pathetic if any of it does not come to fruition. 

And I mean A-L-L of it!

 

The “reality” is that no one can do it all and be successful 100% of the time on 100% of the damn thing that this world’s current society puts into our playfield and tells us that we must get right, do right, be successful in and have. 

 

That’s the most important thing, HAVE.

And that is what our worthiness is based on, what we have or not.

 

We translate this idea of worthiness over to value. 

And we are lacking in any area of our lives, or if we are not top our game, showing up like the bada*s babe that we want to be, we condemn ourselves in some fashion or form. 

We totally forget about the things that matter. 

We forget to appreciate all that we have done and survived in life. 

We forget that we are imperfectly perfect and always a work in progress, AND that, that is okay. 

When we are down on our luck, in a bad mood, wrapped up in victim consciousness, feeling as defeated and lost and as though the most value we provide is to be an ATM machine to our kids and maid (mind you we may be sucking at that too in the moment), that those pampered little brats are here because of our strong AF vajayjay’s and determination. 

 

We went through excruciating pain to bring that pain in the a*s brat into this world.  

 

We forget that the man who may look at us and wonder, “why is she so moody and grumpy, not in the mood today,” is laying in our bed because we made him feel like king of the MF world somewhere along the line and he values our smile, our strength, our loving eyes, and our emotions that tap him into his own inner realms that he can’t access without our tender feminine heart. 

 

We forget that our compassion and ability to  feel in this life is a blessing to all those who entrust us with their fear, suffering, hope, dreams and more. 

 

That our wisdom that comes from deep within, the intuition that we have no reason for, but just know is a gift from spirit. For all of time, the feminine has been considered closer to God, more aligned and open to spirit and the universe than the masculine. So why do we question ourselves today?

 

We women are magical. 

We are powerful. 

We are ONE with the universe. 

But we choose to deny our alignment. 

We turn away from all that is natural and designed for us in an attempt to be masculine and bare all the burdens of such. 

 

No wonder we have a society of beautiful, powerful, intelligent and wise women lost in who they are and what they offer this thing called life. 

 

For where our worth lies….

We do not value ourselves.

 

And until we do…

We will remain lost and always aiming to please the world that  we live in instead of who we are.

 

It’s time my beautiful AF bada*s woman to won your value and worth and know who you really are at a deep soul level. 

 

You have all the answers for your happy ever after. 

You just have to trust that you are supported by who you were born to be. 

 

YOU.

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Existing

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful women like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today. 

 

HE IS NOT READY TO FALL IN LOVE & COMMIT IF….

👩‍❤️‍👨HE IS NOT READY TO FALL IN LOVE & COMMIT IF…
 
Put simply he is not ready to commit or able to fall in love till he pulls his head out of his a*s!
I have said for years to men and women alike that there is an unresounding pop that occurs for a man between the ages of 35 and 50 typically…
And that is when his head pops.
 
There is more to falling in love and committing than this though.
And what causes a man to have this “pop” anyway you may wonder?
 
Well to understand love and commitment we have to understand emotional maturity first
I recall sitting by the fireside while camping with my man last fall and we had a discussion about just this topic of emotional maturity as well as “box checks” a.k.a. common grounds between us or that are needed to have a united and strong partnership, which requires guess what?
 
Yep, emotional maturity!
 
EMOTIONAL MATURITY MEANS THAT YOU ARE NOT STUCK IN VICTIM OR RIGHTEOUS CONSCIOUSNESS.
 
And this simply is not the case for most men and women alike.
We are too caught up in our wounds and have not taken the time, nor do we have the desire to truly do the soul searching work to develop a strong core. We don’t do the damn work that is needed for self. The healing power of doing your own personal, spiritual, emotional, mental health work is beyond words, and it is required if you want to have a healthy partnership with someone and truly know that what you have is love and commitment.
 
But we are clueless about what love and commitment really are.
We believe that what men need (and women for that matter) to fall in love and commit is respect, appreciation, acceptance, connection and LOTS OF SEX.
Well especially men, right?
 
We as humans need all of these things.
They do not guarantee love, commitment and certainly not rock solid partnership.
In today’s world we get caught up on partnership meaning: connection and sex.
A commitment to be with someone exclusively.
Most of the time that means monogamous, however not always. There are a vast array of relationship labels today that are accepted, but the focus is exclusive “primary” partner, no matter the label. Monogamy and exclusivity DOES NOT equate to a committed partnership.
Ester Perel calls this epidemic of relationship, stable ambiguity. There is the appearance of stability and commitment in the relationship however the ambiguous part is,
“Where is the relationship going?”
 
And you cannot know where the relationship is going if you as a man cannot identify what commitment looks like. Until a man knows what his path to commitment looks like and what his end goal is in the vetting process of dating and relationship to get to partnership, he will remain frustrated in his efforts to find “the one,” and will break a few hearts along the way, leading women on that believed that they were “this one.”
 
Back to pulling your head out of your a*s and developing emotional maturity gents.
So typically a man needs a humbling life experience to have his head pop. This can be a marriage or significant relationship break up that causes financial strife, emotional pain. It can mean a health issue or the loss of a career, a home, or some other significant major obstacle that impacts him at a deeper level of soul where he starts to question life and ask for more from himself.
 
In a man’s early years and typically a first marriage scenario, men are looking for a wife AND mother to their children. They are looking for characteristics that are different from a man in middle life. By the time we are in our late thirties to early fifties, over 50% of the dating population is looking for partnership based on lifelong alignment. Wanting to know that someone wants to truly commit to having their back and love them no matter what happens. That they could be laying in bed dying from cancer and this other soul will be there every step of the way in love and wanting, not just willing to support them through it. Love them through it. They want more than just someone that is appealing to the eye. They want to trust them fully. And they are not willing to give up their hearts to anyone who is not proving to be worthy of their trust.
However they have to get out of victim and/or righteous consciousness to achieve these goals.
Simply put, male or female, if you are dating and someone in the first three dates goes into a b*tch sesh on their ex and how it was all their fault and the shiz that they did and how they were not at fault. They had no part in it. THAT IS A SERIOUS RED FLAG, that they are not emotionally mature. So they will not be able to have constructive arguments or see a viewpoint outside of their own. Until we can learn to own our part in every aspect of our life experiences, good and bad alike, we are not practicing emotional maturity and we do not know ourselves.
If a person is exhibiting entitlement, it means that they are caught up in the tunnel of ME,ME, ME land and they are going to be superficial and self-centered in their actions and needs. Creating an inability to truly connect, because you cannot trust a person stuck in such myopic attitudes.
 
Which is what a man needs to fall in love and commit….
A space to do so.
Men need to actually desire a partner not just a lover.
We humans tend to reach out for physical connection when we are not yet ready to receive love because we are in such pain and don’t believe that we are worthy of it, but crave it.
Creating a disharmony in ourselves and preventing a synergy for true partnership. There is no way a man can truly fall in love and commit if he is consistently in a space of pain and using some sort of self medication to overcome and mask it. This causes a man to become self-centered and selfish, not from a disingenuous place but from a tunnel vision place where he is unable to see past himself.
In midlife we are starving for connection and sex, however we are fearful of going deeper into relationship because we don’t know what partnership looks like in midlife. We don’t know how to harmonize and balance money, roles, responsibilities, ex-relationships, children, lifestyles, etc. We don’t know what it really means to be a partner in our midlife.
 
Men are driven by a desire to connect emotionally and physically with the feminine. Typically a man cannot kick back with his buds and discuss how he feels about things. He cannot get into his heart with other men and he desires the viewpoint of the feminine heart on such edgy matters as “feelings.” He also desires the female body and all your femininity.
This desire for connection and sex does not mean that a man is wanting partnership, however.
It means that he may be looking for a relationship, which is different from partnership as explained earlier with Perels labeling of this being stable ambiguity.
 
For a man to create the space to fall in love and commit, he must contemplate what he is really wanting outside of connection and sex.
 
Sadly, the majority of men and women alike NEVER give this much thought.
Which is what we see showing up in relationships by all the surface level relating and doing the bare minimum to maintain the relationship, which is also a major culprit to why so many marriages fail.
 
And so we come back to understanding what TRUE PARTNERSHIP is.
Until a man can identify and understand what true partnership is, outside of dating and relationship he will not be able to fall in love and commit.
 
He MUST KNOW what he wants outside of connection and sex.
And he must understand his path to achieve it.
 
It is a s simple and complex as that.
Until he reaches that space inside of himself where he want to trust a woman with his heart and desires to have her there to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part…
 
He will not be able to pledge his faith, his heart, his commitment and he will not claim her as his love.
 
And she will feel it.
She will question his love and commitment to her.
 
True partnership commitment will always come down to WANTING to have someone’s back no matter what, and to want them to do the same for you.
 
Until a person truly reaches this space of wanting the US in commitment they will continue to be bouncing through relationships of stable ambiguity.
So ask yourself today, “Why do I do relationships?”
“How do I get to a place of true commitment and knowing that this is the person that I want to commit to?”
“What questions do I need to ask early on or things do I need to share to support this path?”
 
And if you want help on this path of discovering your soulmate, want to learn the right inquiry and how to go about clearing the space to call in a committed love and life partnership, reach out to me today. This is what I have helped countless singles do over the last almost two decades.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

PERCEPTION IS REALITY AND YES IT EFFECTS YOUR HAPPINESS.

PERCEPTION IS REALITY.

And Jesus could not do miracles in his home town because of this.

 

My ex-husband always hated it when I said this to him. He would argue with me that we are not responsible for how others view us and that it does not matter either. He would tell me repeatedly that all that mattered was how we saw ourselves.

 

If we believed that we were showing up a certain way,

THEN WE WERE.

 

Well, I still stand firm with the idea that perception is reality.

It may not be truth, granted… but it sure the f-ck is reality to those that are perceiving and here is how it impacts us when we are perceived in any fashion.

 

I first want to state that Einstein brought this point to light when he spoke about how reality is an illusion, quantum physics supports this by revealing to us that our perception… Our witnessing of reality in nature or life in general is the determining factor to our outcomes.

 

The law of attraction is based on this very concept in truth, that perception is reality.

 

Now we are speaking about our personal perception here to our worlds and what we desire to have as an outcome, which supports my ex-husbands belief structure that others perception does not matter, only our own view of our world and being in alignment to US is what makes our reality.

 

What if the world around us see’s us in one way and we do not agree with it though? That we do not even see it?

 

The illusion of the reality of our outside world although still an illusion perhaps,  albeit a persistent one. Is the reality that we are facing.

 

When we receive a message from this outside perspective it is our duty to self to explore its possibilities when we are faced with it more then once. 

 

Realizing that we are always receiving the perfect message, the perfect lesson at the perfect time of our lives is helpful in such moments, as  often when we have to address outside perceptions that differ with our own inner sight on things, it can be painful and scary. The most loving and responsible thing we can do as individuals is to realize that if something keeps coming back to us, and especially when it comes from multiple sources that maybe, just maybe we as the common denominator are creating it somehow.

 

Now we can say all day long that it is not our responsibility as to how others see us.

 

But I challenge you on this way of believing because relationships with others and our world around us creates our very lives. 

 

I deal with this matter of perception frequently in my life.

For years as a tantra and sex and relationship coach in open relationships and being very playful and uninhabited in my exploration I created an energy that said that I was all about free love. That I was into swinging, f-ck buddies and NOT monogomous at all.  I spoke about openness, I lived it, I breathed it and I enjoyed it, then one day it was not feeding my soul any longer and I slowed my roll. I became monogamish you could say. I let go of all the old lovers and play friends, the adventure sex, etc. but I kept up the talk, the workshops on it and the energy covered me still.

 

Fast forward…

I changed relationships and got into a deeply heart centered, soul aligned relationship with a man that I was deeply drawn to with every fiber of my being, and where that left me was wanting nothing but him. I no longer craved the outside adventures. I only wanted our sex, our union and without reservation or hesitation my whole being flipped to hard core monogamous. To the point that I would be deeply hurt at this moment if it was even suggested to change.

 

That is where I am, currently.

 

Now, the outside world still has not caught up to where I am.

I am still being made offers from old lovers to come play.

I am still being made offers by friends and acquaintances to come swing.

I am still being made offers for three-somes.

I am still being hit on and the assumption from friends, family and the outside world is that I am not in a committed monogamous relationship.

 

And even though my life is vastly different.

And my desire is what it is.

The world is having trouble seeing me as such.

 

Now I can say tough sh*t to how the world sees me, it does not matter. I know where I am. That is all that matters. Stay aligned to self and all will work out.

 

But here is the thing, in order to heal this and to stay aligned to self I must address how I am showing up in the world and with the people I relate to.

 

Over the course of the last half a year almost I have been working advertently on perception.

 

I have had to get very authentic with myself and willing to call bullsh*t on myself as to where I have been remaining blind to my old patterns and habits and how these old patterns and habits have me showing up that is causing part of the perception issue that is at hand in my life.

 

If I just turn my back to these perceptions I will end up creating chaos, frustration  and suffering as well as unalignment to self because without taking responsibility for my part in the perception I will continue to do the things that are supporting it and this will in turn not make me happy.

 

When our outside world perceives us in a way that we do not like over the course of time we will have doubt, pain and bitterness manifest within ourselves. These low frequency emotions keep us out of alignment to soul unless we recognize them for what they are.

 

Addressing our responsibility and setting appropriate personal boundaries with self and our world is what must happen in order to create a new perception over the course of time.

 

Much like anything it does take time to change perception.

It takes time to show that we have changed, transformed and our outside world follows our inner world.

 

But if we simply continue to act and say that others perceptions have no effect on our reality, then we are choosing to remain blind to our part in the co-manifestation of our lives and we create a victim mindset toward how life is showing up for us.

 

Owning our part and acting on new patterns gives us power.

 

So if you find yourself in a perception battle,

and you question how someone,

or how the world around you sees you as something that you are not.

Know that you are responsible for those perceptions,

and responsible for changing them as well if they do not serve your greatest happiness.

if the relationships that bring them to you,

mean nothing,

then walk away and start afresh.

If the relationships are ones you desire to heal and keep,

then know that it will take time,

and only your actions and how you choose to reveal yourself and show up will create the perception and truth that you want for.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

HOW TO MANIFEST YOUR GREATEST LOVE STORY OF THIS LIFETIME.

YOU OPEN UP TO A RELATIONSHIP A THOUSAND FOLD DEEPER, MORE LOVING, MORE FULFILLING AND STRONGER WHEN YOU DO THIS…
My heart was broken.
My trust was broken.
I felt abandoned, lost, unlovable and could never see myself in love again at this level. How could I? He was “the one,” he was the one who opened me at levels of my soul I had never touched, my heart shuddered and longed for him. I was ignited when we were together and I felt like I was in heaven.
And when he chose to say good-bye…
I was crushed.
I clung to the idea of him coming back to me,
I could see him knocking on my door and asking for me to forgive him, that he was mistaken. I convinced my heart and mind that our energetic connection was untouchable.
I told myself that THIS lost love was as good as it got.
I had settled on this concept.
The idea of him. Of us. And that I simply had to remain loyal to him by keeping my heart unattached.
This idea grew to bitterness and a deeper sadness as months went by and they turned to years and he never knocked.
But I had built him into this idea in my head and attached such emotion to it that I armoured myself up to everything and everyone else.
I would date.
I would explore.
I even got into a longer standing, seemingly “committed” relationship and the outside world would say,
“She has moved on. She has healed. She is loving again.”
However my internal world was a drastic F-ck No! to it all.
Stuck in the quicksand of yesteryear with my heart still broken and clinging to the idea and the longing of his love.
I called into my life everything that was not for me.
I called in what would soon need to be let go of.
And I blinded myself to the possibilities of something grander than what I could have dreamt of possible with my lost love.
So blind I was.
So stuck, that I missed him.
I missed the soul that was knocking at my door.
I missed the soul that could take me further, carry me higher, expand my heart into the omniverses and beyond.
And I missed him because of my stubbornness and false loyalty to a love that was no longer mine for the keeping.
One day though something happened.
One day I grew so weary of carrying all this pain and fear of letting go that I just sat it down somewhere along the path.
I was done mourning.
I was done being smaller than what I was born to be.
I was done denying myself the love that I wanted, the connection that my soul craved for, and I was done holding up all this emotional armour to protect myself from ever feeling that sort of pain again,
While speaking words to the opposite and saying that all I wanted was my soulmate love.
Rock solid love and commitment.
A conscious man.
A relationship that was based in love and integrity.
A true union of the souls.
Yes that is what I was saying,
while holding up the armour on my heart and soul,
making sure that I could never be penetrated by such a love.
That day, that I sat the shield and sword down,
my heart cried. And with each tear I found myself awakening to the presence of something magical.
There he was.
Yet again.
He had not left me, he had just stepped back,
doing his own work, taking down his own armour,
identifying what he wanted and who he was at his core.
There he was.
And as I took him in with a soft breath in a hug shared,
my heart recognized.
Months passed,
the story built between us,
We danced on the field in this scary land where we were wanting, were recognizing and we were being asked to trust ourselves and each other. Until one day we could no longer deny,
we could no longer hide.
We could no longer use the shielding of our past loves and losses to hide the radiance of what we had together.
With a great senses of urgency we united,
the outside world questioning us.
Fighting against us even.
With each blow the world has given,
the bonds that entwine us grow ever stronger.
And here I sit today,
present to the beauty and the power.
Aware of the depth and amazed in each day how much deeper we go within each other.
As our hearts speak to one another,
our souls smile in the knowing.
Here he is.
Here he is each morning,
and every night,
He does not knock at my door.
No he does not.
But instead he takes my hand and places his heart within it.
Armour down from a day of battle with the world.
We lay together,
we breathe deep into each other,
feeling as though every cell of our earthly being has come home,
Not needing.
Not clinging.
A feeling of fully being seen, being witnessed and with it a desire.
A desire to jump all the way in.
A desire to melt together.
When we set down our armour,
when we let go of the self-imposed bondage of what we feel is lost,
when we let ourselves rise again,
we allow something unimaginable,
magical to form before us.
We allow someone greater.
More aligned.
To love us.
And our souls smile at our coming home.
To all those out there that have lost a great love,
who are clinging to the idea that that was as good as it gets,
that it can never be any more, any better.
No one can love you like that.
That it is not safe to open up to love again,
or that you owe that lost love some loyalty to hold on to it and be impenetrable to all others,
I share this musing today.
Drop your ideas that clinging to what is not yours for the keeping will ever support your desire for your heart’s true love.
It will only block.
Loving you from a scrumptious land,
deep in my heart.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers and Lover’s”
 
Stop settling for your Bullsh*t Love!
You are the only thing that is preventing you from the love, the money and the life happiness that you so want for.
Are you ready to take a deep dive into clearing your sh*t once and for all and openning up to your greatness? Join me for the April Session of Unavavailble for BullSh*t! Reach out to me for deets now or go to
https://kendalwilliams.com/unavailable-for-bullsht-exclusive-program/
 
 
 
 
 

TIME TO TEAR DOWN THE WALLS OF YOUR MF NEWTONIAN WORLD.

TIME TO TEAR DOWN THE MF WALLS OF YOUR NEWTONIAN WORLD

 

Some days I am just sick and tired of all the bullsh*t that I hear, see and even think myself. Getting lost in all the fear of what is to come and not wanting for the past to repeat itself… well not at least the sh*t that was no fun.

 

But how is it that we can ever break free from these fears?

How do we break the bondage of our past,

because the reality is that we often KNOW what we are going to get from any given situation in life.

We have been down the road before,

and when a similar road presents itself then we get triggered emotionally to it and we just know what we know.

 

And often we know that it ain’t going to work out the way that we hoped for.

That person is not going to be all that we “think” they are.

That job is not going to be as great as we want it too.

People are people no matter who they are, right.

That’s why we end up dating the same person over and over again even though it’s a different body.

That’s why every year we keep having the same results with our health efforts or our financial situations.

Because the world is always the same.

 

And WE MAKE IT SUCH.

 

We live in the illusion of the predictability of the Newtonian world.

 

Claiming that we are living in alignment with our souls.

That we are living in integrity.

Or that we are WOKE.

 

We wake each morning and start our day with the same rituals as the day before, same times, same habits, same scrolling through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or even our dating apps. Then off to some news as we finish our coffee and then go shower and head out into our pre-planned agendas.

 

And we argue that THIS is just how it has to be.

Not realizing that in our belief about this predictability we are actually creating our LIMITATIONS around everything that we proclaim that we want for.

 

That these rituals that we all do, are actually creating comfort in what we do not want. Our physical bodies due to the predictability of our lives are programmed to respond emotionally, neurologically and mentally at the same times each day in the same patterns because of our “need” of comfort in what is familiar to us.

 

Now many people today call themselves WOKE.

Meaning conscious.

They are aware of the world around them and that the thoughts they think play a significant impact on the life that they are living and that their emotions are the gauge to if they are living on purpose and from soul or if they are straying from their truth.

They are spiritual.

They are soulful.

They are WOKE.

 

Alas, they look at their lives and they wonder why they still do not have the love, the money and the life happiness that they want for.

Turning to the belief structure that they are paying some karmic debt, or that they are building some spiritual muscle and that once they “prove themselves” then they will be worthy of the love, money and happiness. Or they simply believe that spiritual and woke means you are above the need or desire of any of these things.

 

Still at their deepest heart, they want for it.

And they too, live by the programs created in the body, the mind and the emotions to continuously create the same reality as yesterday.

 

MAKING THE MOST WOKE OF PEOPLE AVERAGE AND ORDINARY IN THEIR SELF-PATTERNING.

 

Sound familiar?

 

Maybe you are guilty of this yourself.

Or maybe you got it all figured out.

In truth that is one of the greatest deceptions of the human ego,

believing that we got it all figured out.

Believing that we “understand” and that we are “doing what we need/should be.”

Believing that we are some enlightened being.

 

Now, granted you are an enlightened being.

You are your own guru.

You sure AF don’t need me or anyone else preaching to you the 1, 2, 3’s of how to have the life that you want.

 

You got all the answers right there in that pretty mind and heart of yours.

 

Your issue is that you don’t see that you have all the answers.

You don’t believe that you know what the next step is for your life.

 

YOU ARE MF AFRAID TO CHANGE THINGS UP!

And so….

here you are.

Doing the same damn things that you always do.

 

Accepting the newtonian world and all its predictability for your reality, then crying about how things never change no matter how hard you work at it, no matter how much you journal, meditate, go out and look for new people, push your boundaries, practice this or that, read this or that, educate yourself, exercise, eat good food, etc.

 

As long as you sit back and expect that predictability to become non-predictable and do something different without you taking the reigns and accessing the quantum reality of your life with a little analytical focus, then you will continue to be right about everything that you probably don’t want to be right about.

 

You have got to become aware and understand why you are trapping yourself in the same thoughts day after day.

 

You have got to slow the f-ck down and start to analyze instead of just reacting to your emotional waves and all the “feels” that you have.

 

You have got to see, I mean really f-cking SEE how your internal world and your expectations and rituals in it are manifesting your physical reality.

 

And THEN…

 

You have to actually get sick of your own BullSh*t!

 

Because baby,

sure there is bunch of sh*t going on in our world right now.

Our world society is full of fear.

Our world economy is questionable.

 

But it’s just a bunch of malarkey if you are buying into that any of what is going on has a true impact on the quantum realm,

where your true reality is.

 

It’s your expectations and beliefs.

It’s your comfort with suffering and keeping what you don’t want familiar,

that is keeping you on replay in your life.

 

I was just chatting with a woman yesterday that shared how she had one of her highest income months as an entrepreneur in February of 2121, she made over $84,000 in her little at home business.

 

But the economy sucks you say.

No one can afford anything you say.

It’s the wrong time to start up a business you say.

 

Really?

 

I was just chatting with a man last week that was so excited, he has been unemployed for 2 weeks and he was starting to buy into the BS of COVID making jobs hard to secure, but just two weeks in he landed his dream job,making almost three times the income that he was all these years when the economy was not impacted by a pandemic or political upheaval.

 

But you cannot find work, you say?

That you are overqualified, underqualified, it does not work like that?

 

Really?

 

I was just speaking with a woman that is part of my Manifest Your Man Workshop and she was sharing how she has been on so many yummy dates lately. How connective the men are that she is meeting. How she really feels like this is the time of her life to meet her true soulmate and she is seeing so many conscious men coming into her options.

 

But I suppose that if you are among the many singles out there you may believe that people are not dating right now.

That people don’t want to take time or money to go do things.

That there is nothing to go do even for a date.

 

Really?

 

These are all your MF programs that you have locked in and that keep you safe in your newtonian world.

 

And this is what is stopping you from living the life that you say you want.

 

The love, the money, the life happiness,

IT IS THERE FOR YOUR HAVING.

 

But You are the only one that can take down the walls to your predictable world of comfort and suffering.

 

If you are ready to take action reach out to me,

if not, cool beans.

Keep doing you, like you are.

 

No matter,

loving you from the quantum field of open possibility.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

If you are ready to be Unavailable for Bullsh*t and want to break your walls down around living a predictable life so that you can claim the abundance, love and joy that your soul knows is yours.

Lets chat and get you into my April 1st, 2021 Session of Unavailable for Bullsh*t where you will be able understand and implement the 8 pillars of love, money and life happiness.

 

PM me or add in comments that you want deet’s on this elite 8-week 1:1 mentoring opportunity now.

 

Watch Lets Be Real… You Suck At Metacognition

 

SOMETHINGS ARE NOT OURS FOR THE KEEPING.

💃💃💃THERE IS ONLY ONE RULE, NEVER ANY MORE.

 

No matter what it is that you are wanting for in life, and generally speaking we humans only really go after a few things, all other things are secondary and based on our desire for the primary things. Our primary desires circle around love 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨, money💰 and what we believe these two things will provide us with… happiness .

 

Anything else that we crave in life we remain under the impression that they will somehow assist us in acquiring these three primaries.

 

And so the timeless story goes,

we fear not gaining what we want so badly for and in our fear we settle for all the things that are not truly ours for the having and wonder why we are suffering. 🤯

 

👊👊👊The ONLY RULE to life is such!

 

👉NEVER Settle for that, that is not yours to begin with. 👀

 

 

But how then do we know what is ours and what is not you may ask?

 

It is simple, truly it is.

Those things, no matter what they may be, relationships, jobs, experiences that we may believe we “should ” have, etcetera, etcetera, but do not align to our SOUL are not ours for the keeping.

 

Did you catch that?

That subtle statement right there.

“Not ours for the keeping.”

 

And I highlight this because it does not mean that we are not to explore such things.

These things that are out of alignment with our SOUL expression sometimes need to be explored so that we can gain deeper clarity and purification of our desires and our frequency to those desires.

 

Contrast is clarifying and mandatory for our learning of self.

 

Until we know whom we are not,

and what we do not want for,

we do not gain the understanding and sight of who we truly are and what we want.

 

SImply put you cannot know you are a true F-ck No to something until you “think” you are a F-ck Yes only to discover otherwise from time and experience.

 

This is why we have false “love” based relationships.

It is not that we do not love our partner or that we fall out of love with them. What is actually occuring is that we come together with a partner in love for our self-awareness a.k.a. clarification and purification process. In our relating to this other soul that is not our soulmate we are able to learn our boundaries, our needs, our non-negotiables. We are better equipped to speak our truth because often in a relationship that is not ours for the keeping we are pushed to deny our hearts and souls as to make lenience for the others will and wants.

 

And so we become WISE to our SOUL.

Wisdom comes from learning what feels in alignment and what does not and THEN listening to the nudges from our core self.

 

Realizing that although many packages can be delivered to us in this lifetime,

presenting themselves as the perfect situation, the perfect person, the perfect fit in love, work and happiness,

if “something feels off” about it…

 

👉👉👉THAT’S BECAUSE IT IS.

 

It’s not bad.

It’s just not yours.

Or at very most, not yours for the keeping.

It may be yours for the learning.

 

The trick to this rule of thumb in life that will without a doubt make your life all so much simpler, peaceful and happier.

Will bare with it the richness of the manifestation of all your souls desires as well,

is to number one, LEARN TO LISTEN to that soft voice within that speaks your truth.

Number two, STOP giving two sh*ts or f-ck to what anyone else thinks, believes or what you see them doing and think that you can somehow mimic.

 

Their soul expression is theirs.

Their soul path is theirs.

And what is theirs in this life,

IS THEIRS.

 

Not yours.

So just STOP.

STOP with all the lies you are telling yourself.

Stop with all the Bullsh*t you are feeding yourself about living from SOUL,

Living on PURPOSE,

Listening to your SOUL.

 

If your sh*t is not VIBING and you are not THRIVING,

Then you are OUT OF SOUL INTEGRITY.

 

And chances are…

You are looking everywhere but where you need to to find what is yours for the keeping.

 

Loving You From Soul. 🙏

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

It’s happening!

April 1st, 2021…

 

Unavailable for Bullsh*t.

Are you ready to get mofo DONE with the bullsh*t?

 

Do you realize just how freakin’ simple and easy in flow your life would be if you just started to honor your soul?

 

Maybe not.

 

Maybe you don’t really understand what it means to honor your soul.

 

Maybe it is a great concept to you, you feel like you are already doing it,

 

but just cannot figure out the micro- details as to why things are not fully lining up yet the way you had desired them too.

 

 

You are still struggling.

 

In love and relationship.

 

With your money.

 

Or maybe it just is everywhere in your life.

 

Causing you limited life happiness.

 

Well here is the thing love,  living from soul means a few things,

 

the primary being to…

 

STOP ACCEPTING BULLSH*T!

 

Which means to start to honor your boundaries, standards and requirements in life.

 

In all subject areas.

 

Can you just imagine a life where you knew what you wanted,

 

you had great clarity about it,

 

you could feel it and almost taste it.

 

And you just KNEW without a doubt that it was yours for the having.

 

Because you were operating from faith and soul instead of fear.

 

Because you understood the 8 Pillars of Love, Money and Life Happiness,

and knew that through these pillars you were able to achieve and manifest your wildest desires…

 

Can you imagine that sorta life?

 

Or here is one more for you, love,

 

what about a life where you stopped questioning if this or that was right and good for you,

 

but instead trusted in your soul response so vividly that you were always certain as to what choices to make in life,

 

in relationship,

 

with your health or well being.

 

With anything.

 

Can you imagine this sorta life?

 

Well it is possible.

 

In this 8-week exclusive training you get to work with me on breaking free from the bullsh*t that you have allowed yourself to believe in all these years and you get to FINALLY say MF YES! to your beautiful Soul.

 

PM me for deet’s or leave a comment here saying you are done with the BS!

The Soulful AF B*tch.

I AM A PROUD SOULFUL AF B*TCH AND DAMN BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE OF IT…
Don’t care what you got to say.
Your judgement.
Your criticism.
Your desire to rule my castle.
I will not serve you this way or that,
I serve only my beautiful soul.
That’s what attracts you.
That’s what makes you want to own me,
to harness these chambers.
That’s the lure,
the great appeal,
that causes your demise.
You may think I am b*tchy,
aloof and superficial.
You may look at me and call me names.
You may say I am childish and naive,
believing all the storybook lines.
But baby,
I know that magic exists.
I have seen it with my own two eyes.
It pours from my heart and soul,
when staying aligned.
So when I say “NO” to you,
It is an act of love.
Although it may cause you anger and pain,
I tell you no lie.
I am a proud soulful AF b*tch and damn beautiful because of it.
‘Cuz I am the magic in my life.
The great mothers womb is within my being,
I birth only my truth in each step I take and word I speak.
You cannot handle the reigns of my soul,
they will only burn you to the ground.
Unless you are willing to stand strong in whom you are as well,
and hear my passionate hearts desire.
Know that freedom is my quest.
Love is what sets its sails.
Love of self, so I can love you deeper and know who I am.
But only those who have the same mission,
who have tended to their gates,
who have been lost in the submission,
to the greatness of who they are,
will ever tread these waters,
Side by side,
hand in hand.
Baby I know magic exists.
But you may think me mean.
You may believe that I am unkind.
And that is something I will have to be alright with,
as you will see me as you portray from your desire.
Your illusion.
I am a proud soulful AF b*tch and damn beautiful because of it.
I will not serve you this way or that,
because I serve me,
perhaps you should venture out and discover your magic,
and know you are free.
Free to set boundaries,
Free to say an authentic yes or no.
Free to dance without bondage.
Because baby you are beautiful.
And you are your magic.
————————————————————————–
To all the b*cthes, the as*sholes, the MF selfish peeps out there, who have big AF hearts, tons of compassion, love to serve the world communities and are bombarded with those who hunger for every last drop of you.
Know that you are worthy AF!
And in your boundary setting,
in your alignment to who you are,
that although you may not always please everyone all the time,
or even ever,
that you are beautiful AF!
It is because of souls like you that magic happens each day.
Your kindness, authenticity and joy is not forsaken or lost in these etimes of the hungry who cannot feed themselves.
Know that you owe no one anything,
only yourself the respect to be true to YOU.
So speak up with your boundaries.
Say loud and proud NO WAY.
For when you say NO to someone else and it is authentic and true,
you say YES to you and become magic in your life.
As Always,
Loving you from a soulful space.
And remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

WHY SOME PEOPLE THINK I AM A B*TCH… WATCH NOW!

💃💃💃ANNOUNCING BECOMING UNAVAILABLE FOR THAT FREE CONSULTS!
👉For a LIMITED Time.
These consults are open for the next 30 days only. (Feb. 20th to March 201th, 2021)
*All consults are FREE for this program.
*All consults are done on phone or FB livestream messenger.
*Consults are open to individuals and couples.
*Program is focused on 8 Pillars of Love, Money and Life Happiness.
*Find out the deets for this signature elite program that is opening up for registration to an elite 15 clients on April 1st, 2021.
* You must do the prerequisite of the consult to join this game changing, life altering mentoring opportunity.
Message me in comments or PM me with I am interested in UNAVAILABLE FOR THAT!
Today to set up your FREE Call now.

YOUR INTIMACY AND CONNECTION IS LESSENED BECAUSE YOU NEGLECT PLAY…

YOUR INTIMACY AND CONNECTION IS LESSENED BECAUSE YOU NEGLECT PLAY…
There I said it!
One of the major contributing factors to your shitty relationship with your significant other is the fact that you forgot to play.
You have made light of our need as humans to laugh, to enjoy life and to be light in spirit.
Instead you have turned your relationship into something of responsibility, duty, and “adulting.”
And that is what you deem mature.
Healthy even.
However, nothing could be further from the truth.
Intimacy, vulnerability, connection and even trust is supported through play.
Finding the humor in our life, relationship and small moments where we put focus on just those things that make us smile and laugh.
So often I work with couples who say that they are married to their best friend. They speak of days when they felt utterly connected to their partner and they wonder what changed. Then they share about life and how life just sorta took over and they had to “grow up,” they had to get real and be responsible because they had a baby, they bought a house and had more debt so life became about duty and taking care of business.
Life got stressful.
And with the stress the play went away.
They stopped courting each other.
Stopped dating and enjoying adventures.
And the relationship along with the sex and intimacy got drab and boring.
Well no shit Sherlock!
You take the laughter out of relationships and you lose a vital nutrient to connection and intimacy.
You also decrease polarity between the masculine and the feminine and the juicy primal energy that creates desire.
Now let me clear here with you.
Some of you may be thinking that I am referring to sexual play.
That I am reffering to BDSM, or some format of adventure sex or exploring non-traditional relationships even, and sure any of this can fall under play and is fine and dandy for a healthy relationship when both parties desire the same, however THIS is not what I am speaking of at all.
When I say PLAY I am actually referring to childlike play and/or healthy competition.
I am speaking of humor, laughter.
An ability to laugh at ourselves and even joke.
An ability to go past our ego and dare I say GOOFY.
Yes this is what I mean.
Adult play is not always of the sexual nature,
although even the most innocent of play and competition can and will create a primal hunger for each other and expand our sexual connection.
When we tap into our playful primal nature we get more turned on to our partner and to life.
Laughter, movement, the engaged actions of play help to move emotion and energy in our physical bodies as well as help restore a more sound mental state.
Science has proven that those individuals who create space for play, who step outside of the comfort zones of what they deem normal and push themselves to explore deeper aspects of self have healthy mental and emotional states of being.
It is well documented how healthy laughter is for our moods and clarity, even our immune systems.
Smiling triggers certain receptors in the brain that can change a person’s perspective of a moment and significantly help us to feel more positive in life in general.
So if this is all proven then why do we choose to diminish its value in our primary relationships. In our sex. In our intimacy building?
How is it that we cannot see the importance of play in general and laughter in our intimate lives? To help maintain a healthy happy connection?
The majority of women when polled,
“What is a characteristic that you value in a partner?”
Will say, ” Someone who can make me laugh.”
At our core we understand the value,
but as relationships develop and life happens we get forgetful and we stop applying the focus needed to sustain a healthy connected and turned on relationship.
Play being one of the primary gifts of intimate relationships that we turn away from with such ease.
I ask you today to look at your primary relationship.
And if you currently do not have one, I ask that you look at the last relationship(s) that you have had and really explore this vital nutrient.
How are you at play?
What does play mean to you?
What do you find uncomfortable about play?
Doing the inquiry here with self and then discussing what you can do that might be adventurous or playful with your partner can help to re-establish connection, intimacy and desire in your love life and in the bedroom.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
 
❤ Another Valentine’s day Is Upon Us… ❤
And some ladies in the house are ALONE.
Well no Queen is ever alone in spirit, because we effing love ourselves,
right ladies?
But we may not have the man of our dreams in bed next to us.
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emotionally intelligent,
spiritually sound,
committed,
passionate,
makes us laugh,
and when he looks at us has us melt.
Yeah that guy.
Well to all you single queens in the house,
make 2021 the last year that you wake up without your soulmate next to you.
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