The short answer for me is: a soulfully deep raw elevated authentic relationship.
Should be a piece of crumb cake, right?
I mean you land those every other day of the week in our superficial world where love is based on how you make me feel and how well you mask your truth from me and I from you so that we don’t ever really dig down deeper and really witness each other at a core state of being.
So many couples in today’s world of relating are in relationship simply because it makes them feel – complete.
It makes them feel like they are successful,
they are someone and when that person,
their person turns to them and holds them in their focus then they are on top of the world and they are in love.
When their person acts, speaks and appears to be the way that they desire,
and does not rock the boat too much with their truth then all is groovy and they are happy in their fake relationship and love.
But lord help the one who chooses to be true to themselves.
Who chooses to stand firm in their core and know themselves.
I mean that would be selfish, right?
And selfishness is not kewl.
relationship, especially intimate relationship,
a life partner relationship is all about the giving of self to support, show your unwavering love and commitment to the other.
There is zero room for selfishness in a committed relationship of this nature.
It does not make sense to me.
Zero room for selfishness,
selfishness is evil, bad and you “should not” do it to anyone that you love for sure.
After all you should only think of the others feelings, thoughts and perceptions.
You are responsible for that person’s emotional, mental, physical well being and that is a lot of responsibility so take it seriously and DO NOT think of self first.
This does not work.
If we lose ourselves in relationship then we lose our core,
we get lost in this world and we end up feeling empty, lost and unworthy. Without direction or purpose.
And this in turn causes us to start to act and treat our partner with bitterness, fear, anxiety and we show up with low self-esteem and respect. We cave on our boundaries and we end feeling used.
All because we believe that selfishness in relationship is evil.
So let me present a little different concept on intimate relationships.
Coming back to my simple not so simple answer to what it would take for me to consider never having another second date again.
What would make me commit the rest of my years to this one person.
To become rock solid in a relationship without question or waivering and just have the desire to carry it deeper.
“A soulfully deep raw elevated authentic relationship.”
But why these characteristics?
I believe that the majority of relationships are teachers and healers,
they are soul based contracts you could say that are not meant to last a lifetime in the intimate fashion but instead come to us to help us grow, expand, heal and clarify who we are and what we want in relationship and life.
These relationships often do not carry a bunch of luster, they feel good, logical, fun, but they do not have the soulful bonds that you can feel with someone when there is so much more at play.
These relationships also have us attracted to our opposites often, baring with them certain traits or beliefs from our partners that are not in alignment with who we are. They make us analyze our core, question our worthiness and who we are and often push our boundaries and ask us to make choices between ourselves and the relationship.
Where a soulful relationship is based on alignment.
It’s an energetic connection that has you feeling as though you are in harmony not only with the other person, but even more so with yourself and with life and God.
You feel passion, purpose and drive in a soulful relationship.
You are not fearful to speak your truth, the opposite is actually true, you desire to share all facets of yourself and reveal your core because you have this feeling that you are held in love and without question.
Soulful relationships have a knowing to them.
A knowing of the souls.
It is the relationships where you feel like you are coming home.
Depth is the next big thing for me.
I may play with a surface based relationship,
but it will last for that long, months and possibly a few years at best,
but without depth the relationship will fade.
But what does true depth mean?
Many people say they have a deep relationship,
they say that they share and talk about everything with their partner,
but when you really look at this you would be shocked to find out it’s not true.
The majority of relationships hide behind idle conversation about groceries, houses, work, media and whatever else can fill in the gaps.
True depth is when you can sit in stillness and say nothing at all and come out of the experience feeling like you shared thousands of years with someone.
True depth is about just witnessing each other,
letting each partner be themselves and be fully seen, expressed.
True depth comes from individuals who take responsibility for themselves, owning who they are, developing self-love and peace within as a primary stable ground before venturing into relationship and not having the concept that it is their partners responsibility to fix anything for them.
Depth comes from personal growth, spiritual growth and being self-aware.
The word raw brings up fear for many people.
It is the scary descriptive word of vulnerability, intimacy.
And we relate vulnerability to weakness.
We have been taught as a society to armour up our hearts and protect. To not trust each other and to constantly look for the gotchas because time and experience has always shown us how unsafe we are even with those closest to us.
And this folks is a major component to why a relationship fails.
We are terrified of showing ourselves.
We are terrified of feeling or being felt.
We are terrified of witnessing someone’s truth and not being 100% ok with who they are, their views, ideas or desires/needs.
We are terrified that who we are will not be accepted.
We are terrified of putting our all into anyone and trusting that our souls know what they are doing.
We are terrified putting down the armour and just sinking into our hearts,
because what if we get hurt?
Well the truth is that every relationship no matter how long it is around in your life WILL hurt you in some way.
It’s how we choose to handle that pain.
It’s what we choose to focus on.
Do we venture into a relationship waiting for the bottom to drop out and therefore forever holding back pieces of ourselves and in turn creating exactly what we fear?
Or do we give it our all?
Real, Raw, Unapologetic, Vulnerable.
Many people claim that they offer this…
And I ask you to question yourself, is that true?
Because it’s the most challenging thing to do to breathe in and lean deeper into love without expectation, just faith.
Relationships should elevate you.
You know we say that we “fall in love” butI prefer to say that we get “elevated by love.”
The relationship that makes you not want for any more second dates should be the relationship that has you desiring for more from yourself, from life and should bear with it a hunger and knowing that life is limitless.
If the relationship has you questioning your worthiness,
fearing what tomorrow brings,
has you changing your core to fit the relationship and hold on to it,
then it’s not a relationship that can support WHO YOU ARE for the long haul.
Elevated relationships are based in soul, in authentic unconditional love and respect, and come with the desire to build each other up and expand but merge deeper with each other.
When you think of power couples and how they seem to be unstoppable in life it is because they focus on elevating self, each other and the relationship as a whole, instead of eliminating things that cause them fear or raise their ego’s.
Another challenging word.
We all want honesty, truth thus authenticity,
However when it comes right down to it we cannot handle our own truth often and we certainly are troubled by other people’s especially our lover/partner when it is not what we want to hear or witness. When it seems like they are being selfish, when they are asking for something or sharing something that is a difficult conversation or pulls up old wounds and triggers us into our pain bodies.
However authentic relating is key if you want long lasting commitment, connection and love to stay.
If you need your partner to be something that they are not for you to hold space for them or love them, be committed to them, then perhaps you need to ask yourself if you really are right for each other.
Authenticity is about speaking your heart and soul especially when it is difficult but doing it from a place of self-responsibility and love for all.
For me personally,
if these things are not at play then the simple truth is that the relationship is there to teach me, help me to move through things and to clarify exactly what I do want to call into my life.
When I am in relationship and know that it is just a teacher to me,
I make sure to make it known that I am not 100% committed, that I enjoying the moment for what it is and I will practice relationship and unconditional authentic relating within the container but that the relationship is there to serve each of us to become more of who we really are so that we can each call in the relationship that our souls know is home.
These teacher relationships help us to define and paint the picture of what our SOUL RELATIONSHIP holds within it and when we come into contact with that relationship we feel it at our core and we with the tremendous alignment that it brings with it.
It is a knowing.
I challenge you today to look at your relationship and ask how aligned you truly are to it and to your partner?
Are you 100% authentic and feel that you are held without question or expectation in the relationship?
Do you feel like your relationship and life is limitless?
You are deserving of a soulful aligned turned on relationship with depth that elevates you to the heavens and maintains its connection to the end of your days in this lifetime.
But it starts with YOU LOVING YOU and standing firm in your core,
getting to know self and accepting the lessons from your teacher relationships as you step forward to the feeling of coming home in that soul aligned relationship that is waiting for you.
Say yes to you.
Say yes to love.
Say yes to beauty.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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