Driving to Corpus Christie for Mothers Day weekend and as I sit here a passenger in my own car,
looking out the window at the fields and rolling hills of southern Texas,
cars passing by,
children chit chatting and humming in the back seat,
spouts of laughter with an occasional,
“Stop it! Don’t touch me.”
I realize that I am simply unavailable for not living my life the way I desire.
So much so, that I have created a new belief structure around what is my normal.
Even in the midst of a world pandemic,
My world remains unrocked.
My home is happy, stable and full of life.
There is laughter, joy, deep connection and adventure in each day.
We plan for the day and for our future.
We laugh and delight in the little moments together,
Never allowing space for just existing or getting by.
I was looking through pictures that I have taken over the last 90 days and it shows a life lived.
It shows many lives lived and enjoyed.
And I realize I am not available for just getting by, nor are my children or my man.
No, this idea that our lives must go on hold for a pandemic, for stay at home laws, masks, and at the base of it all for fear,
It does not stand in my life,
In my world or family.
Because at my core I have become unavailable for anything less than what feels good and in my life flow.
It was not always this way though,
Not all that long ago I was still available for chaos, for scarcity and even the belief that I must sacrifice myself to get by.
Before that I believed that life was a struggle,
That money was hard to come by,
That stability was something you long for but would never be,
That marriage, relationship was blah and that was normal,
That sex was non-orgasmic and that what I wanted did not matter. My words were never heard, my heart never felt, and that this was just normal.
I believed that I was an option,
And an option that I could never choose.
I believed that happiness was an option,
And one that I could never choose.
I believed that stability was an option,
And wealth was too,
But I could never choose these options because life was against me.
Life dictated my outcomes,
And it seemed like the harder I tried to achieve them, the more distant they became.
I believed that I had not suffered enough or proven myself enough, to have these luxuries.
And so it was,
Because back then…
I was so very available to all that I did not want.
I was available to making things an option,
And making them an option that I could not choose.
Life experiences and the people in my world supported this belief.
I never had to look far to see the evidence that what I thought was true,
Was.
But today…
Today this belief does not hold water.
Today I know different.
Today the evidence reveals something different,
Because that truth of before changed.
And I was the alchemist who changed it.
I did it by simply becoming unavailable to the things that I did not enjoy or want.
I did it by not making myself,
Or money, or happiness a choice.
They became mandatory.
They became what was natural and normal to my life.
I chose differently.
I went against my grain,
That, that I was taught.
I decided to create my own truth.
Can you believe that?
How ridiculous.
I chose my own truth.
I decided to stop buying into what this world wanted me to believe,
I decided to not let others ideas, beliefs, fears, perceptions define my truth.
And when I took back my truth,
And chose to not make myself or my happiness an option any longer,
My world changed and with it my life experiences that provided me the evidence that I was worthy without sacrificing my soul,
Without the need to suffer.
Yeah crazy I know.
But true.
And the even crazier thing is it truly happened over night almost.
My life results shifted instantly.
So I ask you today,
What are you available too?
And what are you unavailable too?
Perhaps these things need to flip flop so you can start living your truth,
Your happiness.
But what do I know?
It’s just my reality and I believe it could be yours too.
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
” Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to get your a*s kicked in the direction of your truth? Message me for deets.